tandem parking

Oh my god, Stephanie, get over yourself. It's not a double standard that I park in the top of the driveway twice a month because there are no other spots on the street and I leave at six thirty in the morning, but you park at the top of the driveway five times a week because you are too worried about your new car to move it all the way down. If anything, you are getting the better end of the deal, because MAYBE those two times a month you will have to park on the street, which might be a block away, but in the meantime, I have to park on the street every single day of the week.

And maybe you could clean up a little, too. Helping out around the house isn't "something we do in college," it's what you do when you live with other people. I swear that was her excuse when I suggested we each take one cleaning responsibility a week.

JAP?

break up quotes

I don't really have any secrets. I pretty much tell everybody everything. Including all the details of my personal life, things that are not always appropriate to share, or things that are not of the slightest interest to the listener. But I do anyways. And then I get feedback. Like:

• My mother, who has listened to every single detail of this ordeal and can therefor set me straight when I twist the story in my head: "You didn't do anything wrong. You did everything right. What fault do you have? That you're not telepathic?"
• Sophie, who is the best cheerleader in the world: "I don't understand! What do you mean, he broke up with you? I don't get it!" And then, when I try to explain that I don't know anything, that it came out of the blue, that I have as many details as she, "I just don't get it! Who would ever break up with you?!"
• Abbey, on the phone from Israel: "I am . . . [stuttering pause] . . . flummoxed! Is that the word? I'm pretty sure that's the right word. I think that's what I mean."
• Benja: "I told Mommy that if you guys get back together I'm going to write Jerm a really mean letter about how he can never hurt you again, and she said, 'Step in line.'"
  

happier?

My cousin / roommate Miriam is debating whether or not to drop the guy she is seeing because he refuses to kiss her. He claims he is germaphobic. We think he is just crazy.

She asked me if my life is better in any way now that I'm single, and I had to give that a long think. And then I composed a very short, very sad list:

1. I can keep my room a complete mess.
2. I don't feel the need to shower as often.
   
3. I don't stress about packing all my clothes and work stuff to sleep over.

At first, I was thinking, gosh, the relationship must have been absolutely perfect if there weren't any little things I had to give up or if there weren't any things I didn't like doing. But then I remembered all the stuff I talked about with my mom and with Phyllis, the stuff I wasn't getting but didn't notice because I was so fucking happy. I'm not getting any of that stuff now, either, which is why it didn't come to mind, but I do realize that I want those things the next time around, and I won't settle for anything less. Because if I do settle, then I will have a lot more to add to my list.

Germaphobic, my ass. He's a boy who needs to grow up already.

field trip

I have to admit that I had a really good day at school yesterday, despite crying and complaining about it with my mom and cousin in the evening. The kids were excited to see me -- a bunch of them even snuck up to the classroom before the bell rang. The field trip ran really smoothly, especially for me, since my class was split among three third grade groups, leaving me responsible for only six students. The remaining hour at school was successful -- they were held absolutely captive as I read and acted out poems from Jack Prelutsky's New Kid on the Block, and they played together nicely during Game Time. My angel/devil child held it together until only the last five minutes of school, when he chased a girl around the building and punched her in the face.

Perhaps the best moment came at the beginning of the day, and I say it was the best because it was the first piece of evidence that I have taught my students anything. We were exiting the freeway at Long Beach, into a commercial area filled with sparkley high-rise office buildings and hotels, and several of my students started shrieking my name, pointing their fingers out the windows, and yelling, "It's a urban! It's a urban!" A vocabulary word! Which has been learned, if not grammatically, then at least conceptually! This was followed by, "A skyscraper! Lot's of skyscrapers!" (also a vocab word), and, "Look, flowers, they are flourishing!" (this word refers to either flowers and children, I taught them).

It felt really good.

best transportation in the nation, my ass

*Sigh*

Oh, to have a comprehensive, color-coordinated subway system, instead of a comprehensive, color-coordinated freeway system.

ill pt four

Today I ate vegetables for the first time in four days. Not a lot, mind you, maybe a sum total of seven peas and half a carrot, but they were colored and chewy and had !!! taste !!! I also had another bowl of chicken soup and another snack pack of jello and another gallon or so of peppermint tea. In case you were curious.

I think it's safe to say that this mystery illness is on its way out. Good riddance! Tomorrow's field trip will be a huge test of my strength. I'm praying that it goes well not only for my mental sanity but also as a predictor of Thanksgiving dinner. If I can hold strong for five hours with kids, then I will be at least able to TASTE all the deliciousness of Thursday night, which means I will be able to eat the leftovers for reals all weekend. (I have to admit, sadly, that I will probably still be eating pureed or see-through food until Friday.)

I gave myself vacation from thinking about school for the past five days, and though being sick prevented me from getting a lot of personal errands accomplished, it did force me to think about my life. Making my map last night was such a cathartic experience. I live for pointless, time-consuming shit like that. It made me feel smart, and original, and goofy, and innovative, and goal-oriented. As useless as the product is, once I created it, I really and truly felt a sense of accomplishment. I imagined a task, I worked on it, and I achieved the goal.

I'm kind of talking in circles here, but what I mean is that I got back to ME this weekend. I looked at these two things in my life that have seemed huge and insurmountable and too scary to deal with, and they didn't look so impossible. It's the same sort of perspective I usually get from a good night's sleep. It's like I've been having PMS for the past eleven weeks and finally, finally, the hormones have calmed down.

Which is not to say that they won't act up again next week. But. BUT! Fifteen instructional days until Xmas!

map quest

I'm pretty proud to announce that I've just completed a lifetime goal of mine, something I've been thinking about since my thirteenth transatlantic flight at the tender age of sixteen, something that will blow your mind and reaffirm your faith in all that is holy PLUS uphold my mysterious and unparalleled image.

BEHOLD:

The London Tube Map superimposed on the Actual London City Map:




Before you run for the phone to congratulate me, let me just give you a quick list of hardships I had to endure to complete this task. (Lest I be bogged down by uninformed, repetitive questioning.)

1. Until Google Earth went global (ha ha, get it?), it was very hard to get a street map of London. They are not free, anywhere, ever. All the hotels and hostels hand you Tube maps, which as you can see from my brilliant visual, are not geographically accurate. The airline magazines don't even print accurate London maps.
2. Google Maps was a bit bitchy this afternoon and would only let me print one map at a time, shutting down Firefox each time because of "illegal maneuvers." This made the jigsaw-map technique quite difficult.
3. Tube Maps print text very, very small.
4. Stomach flu.
5. Seventeen third graders.
   
6. Getting a masters degree.

In case you are for some reason not familiar with the London Tube map, I've provided it for you here, along with a real-color copy of my own superimposition. Just see if YOU could navigate a curvy and roundish sprawling city with a straight line map that lacks streets:





PS: If you would like more information about the Underground, or if you want to see someone do a map that is far better than mine, go here.