itinerary, version one

• Fly into Sydney. Hang out in Sydney. 5 days

• Melbourne. (11 hours by train! stop in Canberra?) World Exhibition Building (UNESCO). 2 days.
  

• Melbourne - Adelaide Southern Railway train. Adelaide. Not sure what there is to do here yet. 2 days.
  

• Adelaide - Darwin Ghan railways journey (2 days journey). Get Great Southern Railways Pass which allows for unlimited travel on this line. Break at Alice Springs to go to Uluru (UNESCO). 5 days

• Darwin. 1 day. Kakadu National Park. Trekking. 3 days.

• Get to Cairns. Anything on the way? Fly? Northwestern coast. Great Barrier Reef, beach, tropical rain forests. 5 days.

• Cairns - Brisbane. Fly? Go slowly and enjoy the weird tropicalness of it all. Brisbane. Fraser Island (UNESCO). Gondwana Rainforests (UNESCO) which is a rain forest and has volcanic cones and such. 4 days.
  

• Back to Sydney. (14 hour train ride) 3 days. Fly out of Sydney.
  

So... I still need to do a lot of research. This itinerary, which is based on basically nothing save for the map at the beginning of the Lonely Planet, gives me five extra days to play with. I want to mix it up as much as possible between walking in cities, beaching it up, and doing wildlife. A few families-of-friends dinners wouldn't hurt either.

the land down under

INTERNET, I AM GOING TO AUSTRALIA!!!!!









Bee Tee Double U, when I said, "Southeast Asia," it wasn't that I'm an idiot and don't know my world geography, it's that this summer vacation has gone through many, many changes. At first, I was going to go to Laos on a vegetarian trip, but the other traveler were in their early fifties, no offense, but that's not my demographic and twenty seven days is a lot of time with the same six people who don't share the same lifestyle. Then there was going to be Antigua, Guatemala and language school and possibly trekking around that country and Belize, but apparently right now they are having some civil unrest and there are over forty murders a week in the capital city. So that didn't work out. Australia won out because:

• It is first world and generally safe so I can go by myself
• They speak English so I can even more go by myself (I know, I know, the English is different whatever)
• It is definitely large enough to occupy me for a month. Many World Heritage Sites. I get bored quickly.
  
• It does not snow unless you are going into the mountains
• Cheap tickets this time of year.
  

So, friends, I will be gone July one to August fifth. More info to come later.

the ides of May

Whoa, what a crazy week this has been. I got antibiotics, went on a three-day overnight with my school, had a field trip to LACMA, volunteered at a food bank, planned my summer vacation, and today finished the state standardized testing. And I can talk!!!

The illness, which thankfully has two feet out the door, was physically and emotionally draining. I've never been sick for so long before. Fourteen fucking days. Good riddance.

The overnight was a blast. I really saw my students in a new light as I couldn't stop envisioning them as Adat Shalom campers. They had so much energy and enthusiasm for being together. The girls were completely overwhelmed with their periods. I really enjoyed my assigned bunk and my nature group. Unfortunately, I had to miss the campfire, but I taught my group Eggs and they killed. I learned all about chaparral and lizards doing push-ups and sticky monkey flower and that mugwart is the antidote to poison oak. My stupid annoying coworker was on her Blackberry the whole time and I couldn't stop noticing.

Speaking of, today in the middle of the state tests, she walks into my absolutely silent testing room and interrupts the students to TELL THEM THE DEFINITION OF A MATH TERM. That was ON THE TEST. I am a thousand percent sure we are not supposed to define words on this exam. Not only did she give them the answer, but she explained her announcement by saying, "I'm telling you this because I didn't teach it to you. It wasn't in the curriculum." Well duh, that's the point. Standardized tests are as much a measure of the students' knowledge as they are of the teachers' teaching. It makes me wonder what other "help" she gave her students behind closed doors. Ironically, she is the testing coordinator for our school.

Summer travels will be to a country in southeast Asia. The ticket hasn't been booked yet, so I can't really spill. I'm psyched.

Let's finish with a quote from LOST:
"Great plan Moonbeam! Maybe after that we can sing Kumbaya and do trust falls!"

I can kind of talk and kind of breathe

So it turns out I have an upper respiratory infection that is not bad bronchitis YET. I spent a shitload of money at Walgreens for antibiotics, an albuterol inhaler, grape flavored cough supressent, and root beer flavored cough drops. Don't worry, health nuts, I'm not going to take the antibiotics unless this thing doesn't improve in the next few days. The inhaler is amazing, though, after two pumps I can totally feel my airways open up. Ironically, possible side effects include palpitations, arrhythmias, and tachycardia. Now I'm lying in bed, humidifier beside me, waiting for the cough syrup to kick in. God, I am totally sick of this sick shit.

ps: this is post number six six six.

here's why we're celebrating!

I'd like to make one of these for my mother on Sunday:

trimming the bush

On 5/5/09 11:59 PM, "deens !" wrote:
My mom says you have to see this. I hope it doesn't burn your eyes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvFSgXpyhoM

cheers!

she responded:

Deens,

I am totally confused! Until the very end, I thought your mom was suggesting that I needed to do more gardening, which is my intent. (Really.) Then, suddenly, there’s this razor. I can’t believe there’s a commercial for this type of personal grooming! Another thing I should be worrying about?

Your dense auntie Kathryn

now with more snark!

New Boy update:

First of all, let's call him "W" because he used to live in Texas. Second of all, let me tell you about how he came over a few weeks ago for fajitas and a season five LOST marathon. We started fooling around and I took off his pants and was completely horrified to find him wearing gay underwear. Like these. They featured some red and blue Scandinavian print of interlocking trapezoids or something like that but who cares because they were so hideously tight and high cut. I really wanted to laugh in his face but didn't want to ruin the moment so instead I just took them off as fast as I could. Later, when we resumed television watching, he put the "manties" back on but left his pants off. And put his socks on. There is nothing so hideous as a man wearing only underwear and socks. The socks come off with the pants, boys. If there is anything I regret in life it is not having commented on W's choice of undergarment just then. It was a test and I failed.

In any case, I kind of broke it off with W. Even though we have a ton of fun together and make each other laugh and are active and smart and spoon really well, I'm in it to win it. W wanted to "take it slow" which he interpreted as, "see each other maybe once a week, maybe not." Lest you think I'm being overexcited and needy, bear in mind that we've been friends for almost ten years -- this is no Getting to Know You Dating. If you like someone, you like someone. And if you really like someone, then you want to spend a lot of time with them. Like, every weekend. And Tuesdays and Thursdays, if you can swing it. Mondays too, if you're in that honeymoon stage. Daily phone calls. W claimed that he did, in fact, want a relationship with me but I called bullshit on that. I think he just wants friends with benefits and I have BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.

Anyways, that was on Saturday in the midst of laryngitis depression, which has since turned into bronchial infection depression, so thank God I have Michael Jackson: Live in Bucharest to keep me company.

Also, Dorm Life. Watch it.

sick again

Apparently five days of laryngitis wasn't enough, so now I have some cough/cold/bronchial thing and life is still miserable. I lay in bed last night for two hours trying to fall asleep but couldn't. Today I am going to skip my nap and see if that helps.

How will I pass the time?

1. Watching "Michael Jackson: Live in Bucharest: The Dangerous Tour."
2. Seriously coveting the jackets he wears during this crotchfest.
3. Finish mixing and choreographing my Michael Jackson routine for drill team.
4. Wondering how I got so lucky that getting to choreograph Micheal Jackson dances is my job.
5. Gazing at a really low-resolution photograph of Seth Meyers.
6. Buying tons of produce at the farmers' market for ten times the price of what it costs at the Persian market. Pat self on the back for buying and eating organic and local. Wonder if it's worth it.
7. Crying to my mom about being sick again.
8. Hurriedly washing dishes in sink / on counter / in living room before mother arrives.
   

thank god it's almost over

Laryngitis is a really lonely affliction. At first, you don't want to be around other people in case you might be contagious. But at home, it's just as lonely because you can't fucking talk on the phone. And it's not like you can get shit done -- it's not easy to whisper your order to the man behind the counter or get test results back from the nurse by email. I had to cancel my Friday night and Saturday morning plans and decline babysitting the cute cousins. By day four (today), I was ready to shoot myself in the foot, which is why I ended up at maybe-boyfriend's house all afternoon even though I was really mad at him and wanted to prove my point by staying away. I was just too bored.

So we hung out in the jacuzzi and got sunburnt.

Then we had a Talk.

I cried.

My good aunt and uncle straightened me out. (And fed me cookies.)

princeps botanicorum

Rarely has a man been more comfortable with his own greatness. He spent much of his leisure time penning long and flattering portraits of himself, declaring that there had never "been a greater botanist or zoologist," and that his system of classification was "the greatest achievement in the realm of science." Modestly he suggested that his gravestone should bear the inscription Princeps Botanicorum, "Prince of Botanists." It was never wise to question his generous self-assessments. Those who did so were apt to find they had weeds named after them.

--Bill Bryson on Carl Linnaeus, A Short History of Nearly Everything

It's like God has this plan but it involves me watching my entire Netflix queue before meeting The One.

kiss bang

I'm watching Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and holy hell, it's good! Why did I let it sit on my coffee table for three weeks? Robert Downey Jr. is on my fuck for sure list, even if he is old enough to have fathered me.

"What, fuckhead? Who taught you grammar? Badly's an adverb. Get out. Vanish."

betty

I had this one high school English teacher whom other students despised but I really liked. She had kind of stringy, fake-blonde hair that looked like it might fall off her head at any moment. She read literature with no emotion whatsoever in her voice. She called on me a lot. During my second year with her, I realized that she always wore a shade of pink. Which wouldn't be that odd, or even noteworthy, except that pink and purple and magenta were the ONLY colors she wore with her otherwise neutral wardrobe.

silent

I have laryngitis and have been on mute for two full days now. It is quite torturous. It came on Tuesday night and by Wednesday I was hoarse and it was painful to talk. I stayed home from work yesterday because of all this talk about swine flu and universal precautions and isolating yourself if you feel ill. Not that I thought I had swine flu for one second, but it was kind of hypocritical to talk to kids all day with my potentially germy mouth.

So I stayed home and was effing bored. Sleeping in was probably good for me, but being by myself for twelve hours was not. And it's not like I could get anything done, like call my doctor or make summer plans because I CAN'T TALK ON THE PHONE. Texting and gchatting are limited when people are at work. I watched movies, read, took a super long walk, napped, and brushed my teeth a few times.

At night I went to choir (to listen) and sat in the back so as not to infect anyone. Unfortunately, it was audition day for the solo of the song I myself brought to the choir because I wanted to sing the solo. There was not a chance in hell I would be able to try out -- I couldn't make any sound come out of my throat, much less a high F. I asked the musical director to hear me next week, but as they are about to put our concert programs on print, next week is too late. I like to believe that things will work out the way they are supposed to, but it really stings about this song.

Today I went to school because I just could not stand staying home again plus it was clear this wasn't swine flu (duh). Teaching was ok, as I typed instructions into a Word document and projected it onto the wall with the ELMO, plus my classroom management is fairly solid. Our field trip was ok because we had helpful docents guiding us. Overall, though, the day was kind of lonely. I couldn't really be myself.

Now I'm just having some more lonely, biding my time until I can be amongst people again.