Monday, July 31, 2006

mel gibson has had better weekends

We're willing to bet that when news of Mel Gibson's DUI bust in Malibu early Friday became public later that day, the still-hungover actor probably had no idea that he would soon remember that initial report of his arrest as one of the happier, more carefree moments of his recent life. Since then, the simple story of "celebrity ingests too much alcohol, drives automobile too fast, and gets semi-embarrassing slap on the wrist from law enforcement officials of rich beach community" has become one of "celebrity ingests too much alcohol, drives automobile too fast, tries to run away from law enforcement officials attempting to give him semi-embarrassing slap on the wrist, is easily recaptured by law enforcement officials, threatens to commit act of sexual aggression against law enforcement officials, claims to own the rich beach community which employs law enforcement officials, promises to use vast financial resources to gain revenge upon law enforcement officials [Ed.note--Deep breath, here come the good parts], expresses belief that people of the Jewish faith are responsible for entirety of armed global conflict, tries to ascertain if law enforcement officials are members of the Jewish faith, notices presence of female law enforcement official, refers to female law enforcement official by epithet suggesting that her mammaries are made of sugar, pantomimes intention to urinate on floor of holding cell, and attempts to destroy malfunctioning phone when it fails to provide a dial tone for his legally mandated post-arrest call."


from defamer

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

what happens in vegas...

... will be recounted on this page below in full detail, for the whole internet to see!! Some highlights, in no particular order:
  • Knocking off a few fingers for I Never on the freeway there
  • Also in the pool
  • A man so round and fat joined us in the pool and we struggled not to laugh too loudly, as he was so strikingly similar to a beached whale
  • Given one million points at a free slot machine, we toasted three drinks while racing each other to zero
  • Kirk with the gold sunglasses hitting on me shamelessly at the table, then learning he is engaged
  • The creepy slanty-eyed drunk guy sitting on my other side who stayed at elevens and twelves
  • Wade the Dealer
  • "No touching!"
  • Slurpees at 7-11. Quite possibly the most refreshing treat I have ever tasted in 113 degree weather.
  • Sneaking into the hotel pool after checkout
  • Friendly woman taxi driver
  • Stopping at the Old Navy Outlet and the World's Tallest Thermometer on the way home
  • Having to sit through a time-share hard sell that neither one of us had any inclination to buy in the first place, but wanted the free hotel room we were promised
  • I win $1 at my first real slot machine
  • Walking barefoot through the Wynn Hotel, and then lying on the fake grass outside and watching the big screen
  • Drinking margaritas at the "swanky" Casino Royal and noticing other fine eating establishments in the building such as Subway and Pizza Hut
  • My pink and black present
  • Taking a looooong walk to Hooters for dinner, which turns out to be closed for a private party
  • Hoover Dam
  • Bumping into Rebecca and Brooke, randomly
  • Being so completely in love

You can also read about our Sunday night extravaganza at the Royal Casino Inn on Jeremy's new page.

Monday, July 17, 2006

ha!

Q: If H2O is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?

A: K9P



Q: What looks like red paint and smells like blue paint?

A: Red paint.

Friday, July 14, 2006

aunt flo

I used to dread getting my period. I would become dismal at the prospect of cramps, bad underwear, bloating, and a general sense of blah. I still hate it more than ever, but now at least there is a tiny bright side:

At least I'm not pregnant!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Sunday, July 02, 2006

new phone yay!!!

Because I don't have much to do these days (which is a GODSEND), I've been spending lots of time at Tmobile.com drooling over phones. I used to want the RAZR phone, but then everyone and their mom got it, so I changed my mind. Plus, when I held it, my fingers strained a bit. Then I was obsessed with the PEBL phone, it's so round and lovely in your palm. But the keypad and the hinge and the sound quality sucks. I've now narrowed it down to two beauties: The Skinny Skinny and the Mini Slider. Your thoughts?


radiohead concert

was awesome. (Not my pictures.)








bipolar

Love kind of makes you bipolar.

I've realized this recently, as my moods now shift speedily from shooting stars awesome to depths of the Earth disaster and back again.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

britney

I love dooce, and I love Britney Spears. The best of both worlds.