channel five, eleven o'clock

Shout outs are in order.

First, to my dad, for helping me snag this super apartment and then moving me in and then coming over at nine last night to haul my TV from my car.

Second, to my brother Benja who helped me Craigslist and then set up my internet (sort of).

Third, to my brother Aaron, who moved furniture on a very hot Sunday.

Fourth, to my mother, who provided food through it all.

Last, to my friend Glenda, who let me house-sit her awesome place (where I did not have sex on the bed) so that I could figure out my shit and didn't have to settle for anything less than perfect.



I might be a little absent because school is starting and I'm totally busy being fabulous.

can't complain

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

I know you are not in the greatest place right now but I just wanted to let you know what a great summer I am having. While you have been in and out and in rehab, I've been to Europe, Brentwood, and Culver City. I moved out of my usedtobefantasticbutisnowsadanddirty apartment and into a one-bedroom which is all my own. (Quite larger than the jail cell you could be headed to.) I've spent a lot of time hanging out with friends, talking on the phone, and having fantastic sex. Those who know about it respectfully keep their mouths shut around the press. While your hair has been looking very bleached out and skanky, mine has been having a stellar season. Like you, I have been caught in a compromising sans panties situation, but lucky for me, I don't have paparazzi stalkers.

Let's talk about my summer highlights: Jury duty, house sitting, Malibu and Pepperdine visits, planning with Naomi, visiting Haley, playing with my cousins, staying up and sleeping in, pooling with Nicole, pretending to do Wicked rush tickets with Karen, making two choirs, and a successful second date. Let's talk about your summer highlights: DUI, rehab, boyfriend orders prostitutes, turning twenty one, car chase, more rehab, dropped from all your movies. I win.

I'm not trying to be vindictive, Linds. This is just my way of saying, "Chin up!" The sun will come out tomorrow! I had a super shitty year and was completely miserable for months, but then things turned around and now I'm back to my happy, go-lucky self. Maybe you'll be lucky too, and your coke addiction AND self-righteous attitude will be cured.


love,
Deens

no longer homeless

The Big Move was today, I am utterly exhausted. The only casualty was my leg to a sticky mouse-trap. I had to use Goo Gone to get all the stick off. I'll have to watch a lot of TiVo to get the mental stick off.

And in other news, my life just became a Sex in the City episode. Charlotte would have gone, "He was just very thorough and gave attention to detail -- NOT IN A FINGERING WAY," and then Miranda's line would have been, "Like an aide cleaning a senior home person way."

samba! I heart Lacey!

If I was forced to watch So You Think You Can Dance for seventeen weeks in a row with nothing to eat but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, I would have to say that I lead a pretty charming life. The show is fantastical.

jean therapy

I would never spend a hundred dollars on a pair of jeans, even if they were really hot, but I have no problem spending that much on five pairs of jeans, which I have done, all in the past two months. I may have a problem.

Pair one, two, and three were purchased at a used-clothing store on Melrose. Pair one caught my eye with a red, embroidered pair of lips on the butt. That, and their super tight fit. So tight that even a thong shows through. Commando tight. Club Jeans, if you will. For all the clubbing I do as a full-time teacher.

Pair two had really awesome hems. I don't even like the way they fit my butt, which is the number one thing you look for in a jean, but the hems, oh! Pair two will have to be worn under longish blouses.

I'm only slightly ashamed to admit that I bought pair three because they had a super trendy label, that tiny little red tag on the back pocket. They they don't fit great, but they're not awful either, and they only cost twelve bucks. They will do great on laundry day.

Pair four I bought a few days ago at Goodwill, my new haunt. Seriously, I have been to six Goodwills this week. I am on a quest to find the perfect, busted up looking coffee table that I can paint bright white. I haven't found it yet, but I DID find cool-looking, straight-leg, patch-pocket denim. They happen to have an elastic waist in the back. And they are made by a company called "Cool Mama." I'm not a mama but I'm cool enough to know that even elastic waist jeans are ok to wear if they make your legs look eight feet long.

Pair five I picked up today, at yet another Goodwill. They are thick and dark and sturdy and have very little stretch. They have the potential to become my default jeans when and if my current default jeans go missing or die. They are the least embarrassing of my new collection, and also the most boring.

new diggs

Folks, you're looking at the newest member of the 90034. I am now the proud owner (renter) of a sweet little one-bedroom in the center of downtown Culver City, the most awesome neighborhood that left the fifties and then decided to come back. Within five blocks of me now, you can find:

• In N Out
• Pacific Theaters
• second run movie theater that cost three dollars
• Trader Joes
• Ross
• Albertsons
• Tuesday Farmers' Market
• Toyota servicing center
• thrift store AND antique crap store
• Culver City Beauty School (five dollar manicures)
• about seventeen restaurants, including Thai, Greek, and Italian
• two bars
• The Museum of Jurassic Technology
• Blockbuster
• Entry to the 10
• ...and more!
  

Look forward to new posts about my painting my furniture, my not crazy new landlord, and the fact that I have NO ROOMMATES.

news from Glenda in China:

It's Saturday morning, I'm not pregnant and I met a guy who looks like Ezra.

three great things about my date last night

1. He is a lawyer. (Criminal litigation, sexy.)
   
2. He plays guitar in a country band. (With his roommates.)
   
3. He was just as obsessed with my fear of vomit as I am. (He is afraid of heights.)

Omigod, I can't believe I forgot to mention this: HE EATS KETCHUP ON HIS SPAGHETTI. This is by far his most desirable quality.

she had me at "hello"

Actual ad on Craigslist:

Hello. The master bedroom is available in my 2 bedroom, 2 bath culver city apartment. Hardwood floors, large windows, 2 parking spaces, utilities included.

I am a 27 year old female grad student at UCLA. I am in med school and am writing my thesis on the similarities between narcoleptics and epileptics. Since I am a narcoleptic, I just need an epileptic to live with me so I can study their natural everyday life... when they are not seizing.

I'm not looking for a best friend, but I would like someone I can hang out with every now and then. Drink a beer, watch a game, engage in a pissing contest, etc...

Prefer someone that works nights so that I can have rowdy sex with my boyfriend without bothering you... he's usually pretty quiet, I'm not. Also so I can watch you while you sleep during the day.

Bonus if you work at a morgue!!!