Hawaii day five: no bathing suits

Hawaii day five started really late. We both spent several hours in the living room working on our laptops. I did report cards and Ischia did BTSA. We had originally planned to work for an hour each morning, but lookie!! Five days in and we've only now gotten down to business. Ischia blames it on the exceptionally good weather, that we had to take advantage of it and therefor were forced to neglect our work. Like, we had no choice! The sun held us hostage! I say, shut up, we were relaxing.

We planned a midday walk along the beach path. It was pretty overcast all morning, perfect for a walk, but as soon as we left the house, the sun came out. It was freaking hot, I won't lie. And very humid. So basically you're wet whether you're in the water or not. Our walk was advantageous, regardless, because we saw a whale! Several blows out of the blow-hole and a few flips of the tail. We also saw a turtle! Swimming in the water! Ischia claims that it was the size of a car, but don't listen to her, it was as big as a hula hoop. Still cool.

And then we got to go to the mall and I bought my necklace and we got delicious ice cream in waffle cones. I got pina colada, obviously.

I had to work a little more and so I stayed home doing report cards while Ischia went shopping with Afaf. I actually finished the report cards AND I finished By the Banks of Plum Creek. Then we ate pasta dinner and watched Anderson Cooper 360, only it wasn't Anderson Cooper, it was some dude that had the same hair color.

HOURS LATER, Amanda came over in her slutty outfit and we got ready to go out. We drove by Ocean's, some new clubby place, but there was a line around the block so we left. Instead, we went to Mulligans, an Irish pub. There I got my toe stepped on (ouch!) and the nice man who did it payed for my drink.

Amanda slept over, but she slept in the downstairs office, the room in which the smoke alarm keeps beeping to remind us to change the batteries. It beeps every two minutes. It has beeped every two minutes for the past three days. We are not tall enough to change it. Instead, we just close the door and pretend we don't hear the incessant noise. That's where Amanda slept, the whore.

Hawaii day four

Today we were lazy, like true vacationers. We internetted all morning, while I munched on Life cereal and Pepperidge Farm cookies. Then we went to the beach and I stayed completely under the umbrella the entire time. No sun for me.

Then we went to the mall and checked out some high-end handbags and shoes that we will never wear. I DID find the exact necklace I've been looking for for two years, so I put it on hold. Did I mention we ate salad for lunch? To make up for the crap breakfast?

When we got home we did lazy again, checking our email and lying around.

Dinner was at Chalid and Afaf and Amanda's house. Chalid made amazing food on his barbeque, like a total beautiful feast. Chalid and Afaf are Israeli Arabs and they both speak Hebrew and had Pesek Zman and Kif-Kef and Mekupelet chocolate!!!!! Amanda showed us her cute shoe collection. Then their friend made us watch I am Legend, which is a completely crap movie. Scary, but shitty.

So scary that Ischia and I had a sleepover.

Hawaii day three, or, How I Must Now Wear a Burka to the Beach

Seriously, God? Is this for reals? Have you ever heard of someone allergic to the SUN? This morning I woke up and the rash was still there, little red welts covering my stomach and chest and upper thighs, all places that were exposed to the sun yesterday at the beach. (It's not a sunburn, by the way, I'm not an idiot.)

This morning, I slathered on hydrocortisone cream and dressed in pants and a long tank top, being careful to cover the effected area. The shirt DID expose part of my back, and after being in the sun for maybe two hours, those exact parts of my back developed the rash. Thank goodness it is not terribly itchy, but please, I'm in HAWAII. THIS IS THE LAND OF BATHING SUITS AND SUN. *Sigh*

Other people here also have issues, let me give them a turn. On the way here, Ischia and Elaine's flight was delayed eight hours. They each earned a complimentary round-trip ticket for their inconvenience. Because they lost a day here, Elaine pushed her flight home back one day. Guess what happened!?! Her flight home was delayed eight hours!!! ATA sucks!

We went to the east side of the island for the day. Tooled around in Paia (very hippy), ate lunch at Mama's Fish House (delicious food and heavenly ocean view), and did one twenty fourth of the famous "Road to Hana." This long and windy road hugs the south-east side of Maui and features waterfalls, gardens, and pools. We don't have the patience to drive all forty two miles, so we visit the first attraction at mile two. I can't even tell you how many dorky tourist pictures we took.

Twin Falls, it is called. We park on the side of the road and change into tennis shoes. As soon as we open the car doors to get out, it starts raining. Elaine wanted to turn back. We waited it out in the car (five minutes) and I explained the rules to Dutch Bliss, the best card game in the world. The rain subsided, and we got out of the car and started walking towards the hike entrance. We stopped for a second to pick some guavas and it started raining again. Like, POURING.

Whatevs, we push on. Elaine wants to turn back, but it's closer to the beginning of the trail than it is to the car. We run towards a coconut vendor's tent and stay there until the "storm" passes. Luckly, that was the last of the rain. We had a lovely, sunny, hike and saw many exotic species of ferns and papayas and birds of paradise and also a nasty mosquito who bit Elaine three times on her arm. We took more dorky pictures in front of the waterfall, which was, meh, not amazing, but still nice.

Back at the ranch, I ate half a box of Wheat Thins and showered vigorously. Ischia dropped Elaine off at the airport, and then we watched a "John and Kate Plus 8" marathon. Vacation is great!

Hawaii day two: more of the same

I woke up this morning after eleven hours of sleep. Lovely.

We sat around and internetted and discussed our mutual love for Barack Obama. Then we made quesadillas, bathed in sunscreen, and dressed for the beach. (In that order. I have to be completely naked to apply sunscreen lest I miss a spot near an edge.)

At the beach, we mostly sat around criticizing the older couple next to us who were positively BAKING. This man and women sat in their lounge chairs for four hours, shifting every so often to get the full sun's rays. They had neither umbrella nor hat. They were both red and leathery. Gross. We also took a dip in the ocean, but it got really windy, so we couldn't snorkel.

Upon returning home, I made chocolate chip cookies. We internetted some more (I can't tell you how awesome it is to be on vacation and be able to check my email.). Then we went to a crafts fair and I bought twenty white, dried starfish for my students. We also got to drink coconut juice out of a coconut. (I won't lie -- it tastes like cum.) We went home and watched the sunset. Also, we took several self-portraits wearing the matching painted-nut necklaces we bought.

Dinner at Spago! Fancy! I won't say much about the food, but I WILL mention the rash I developed after dinner all over my stomach. It's red and bumpy but not as bad as hives. I'm trying to figure out if it's a reaction to the sun or my sunscreen or the ocean or a combination of all three. Or perhaps I'm suddenly allergic to mushrooms? Wikipedia suggests it may be phototoxic dermatitus. Stay tuned!

Hawaii day one

First day in Hawaii, woo!

Landed at ten in the morning and oh! the humidity! Peeled off the layers of sweatshirt and socks from that frigid plane ride. My eyes are still bloodshot and stinging because guess who only got three hours of sleep last night? I guess I should have started packing before ten, since "packing" included doing laundry, transferring pictures from my camera to the computer, and cleaning my kitchen.

A nice old man took me in his cab from the airport to Wailea. Maui is waaay bigger than I thought. I was imagining it to be the same size as Ko Pha Ngan in Thailand, the island that we hiked across with our full backpacks because the ocean was too stormy to take a canoe. Nope, Maui has like actual cities and highways. Maui also has patchwork farms reaching from the ocean all the way up the sloping rise of dormant volcano. Rolling, green hills. My cab driver told me these crops are mostly sugarcane and onions, although they are looking to diversify. You can buy Hawaiian Sweet Onions at Trader Joes, fyi.

Once I got to Ischia's, I had to CHANGE AS FAST AS I COULD because it was Beach Weather. Apparently it rains here every few days, and those days are Do Nothing But Sit Inside And Complain Weather. So I got into my bathing suit lickety split (yikes! haven't been this naked in public since August!) and doused myself in my Israeli sun screen and slipped into a sundress. Then we raced to Wailea beach, which is right by the Four Seasons where Jessica Simpson and John Mayer broke up. You know that picture I'm talking about, admit it.

So we hung out on the beach and swam in the water and talked about how we wanted to go snorkeling tomorrow. The weather was perfect. The temperature hovered in the upper seventies, and clouds rolled across the sky. We were able to stay outside for a few hours without getting burnt. But then I got hungry and the Four Seasons kiosk was out of veggie sandwiches and bagels, and then I got cranky, so we left the beach and went to the mall. (We're so American.)

The highlight of the mall trip was finding a bag of CHOCOLATE FLAVORED SKITTLES. The different flavors are: S'mores, Vanilla, Chocolate Caramel, Chocolate Pudding, and Brownie Batter. The colors range from cream (vanilla) to dark brown (brownie batter). I will be bringing home several packages.

Come home, insert contact lenses, shower, get dressed, lament the fact that we will be missing the sunset because we have to stand in line for Happy Hour Half Price
Sushi. I kid you not. The line was one hundred people long and we were near the end. I took a picture. After gorging on rice and fish, we went to Foodland and I bought soymilk and cereal and crackers and cookie dough and an entire jug of SALTED NORI!!

We are now at home and all three of us are internetting and I think I will go to sleep as soon as this is done, even though it is only seven fifteen. We have a busy day of beaching and hot-tubbing tomorrow.

once upon a time...

For the past six weeks, I've been working on writing fantasy stories with my class. I've been especially relentless with the setting / characters / problem / solution formula. For their big test, my students had to write a story in which a friend helps a character solve a problem. Some of them are so great I have to share. (I've corrected their spelling and grammar for better understanding.)

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Luis and girl named Rosana. They both lived in Los Angeles. Their neighbor's house is kind of scary. The girl is 10 years old and the boy is 11 years old. The problem is that the dinosaur came out of nowhere.

Is that not the best beginning ever? BAM! THAT DINOSAUR CAME OUT OF NOWHERE! Sadly, it goes downhill from there. I'll spare you.

Once upon a time, there was a friend that was called Briyan and a friend of Briyan that was called Alan. The setting was in school, and in a house, and in another house. Brian's house looks blue and big and Alan's house looks big and orange. One day, they were happy but when they came back in Briyan's house, his mom said that Christmas was ruined because they didn't have money. Alan tried to find a solution. First, Alan tried to ask his mom if she can give him 200 dollars, but she said no. Next, Alan tried to tell his dad if he can give him 200 dollars, but he said no. Finally, he remembered he had 200 dollars in his bank, so he went to the bank and picked out the money. Then Alan went to Briyan's house and said, "I have money." Briyan said, "Really?" Then Briyan looked at the money and said, "Thank you. You are my best friend. I have never had a friend like you." Then Briyan showed it to his mom and she said thank you, and they celebrated Christmas and lived happily ever after.

I bet her mom and dad and little brothers all crowd around her bed on her birthday and wake her up by covering her in hugs and kisses.

Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl and they were friends. They lived in the city with a lot of skyscrapers and buildings and a lot of houses. There was a girl that was eight years old and she went to school and she has black hair and her name is Besty. There was a boy and he was seven years old and he goes to school. He has brown hair and his name is Victor. [Victor is a boy in our class.] The girl fell down because she didn't tie her shoelaces. First, they laugh at her because she fell down and she was so sad. Then, a boy came and said, "You didn't tie your shoelaces." Next, he helped her and said are you OK. She said no and he said, "You want me to take you to the nurse?" Finally, the doctor said that she broke her bone that that she was OK. He was always helping her because of her leg.

All together now, Awwwww. Also, someone has a crush on Victor!!!

Once upon a time, there was family that made a village and named it Egypt. They lived in a palace in the desert. They made a lot markets and buildings. There was a king and a queen that had a little princess and a little boy that was their maid. The boy's name was Eric. He went upstairs to make up the bed. When he started making up the bed, he saw a big sack of gold coins. When he went downstairs, he saw the king and queen talking about getting the princess her gift. Then Eric went to ask the princess what she wants for her birthday. And the princess said, "A tiger." So Eric went to go find a tiger. First, the queen got her a cat but she didn't like cats. Then, the king got her a parrot but she didn't like parrots, either. Finally, Eric got her a tiger and she was very happy. She said, "You're the best maid I ever had." So the princess and Eric lived happily ever after.

What a bratty princess. But isn't she a great writer!?

Once upon a time there were three knights who wanted to help a friend. There was a big shiny castle in the Grand Canyon. The first knight was Jose. He had brown eyes. He was the stronest and the fastest. The second knight was Troy. He was fast and strong. The third knight was Josue. He was the least fast and strong. The princess's name was Ms. *. [That's me!!!] She was sad and nice. She was alone. The dragon's name was Harley. He was mean and scary and had the princess. The knights wanted to make him feel happy. First, the 3 knights made funny jokes but it didn't work. Next, they tried to make funny faces but it didn't work. Last, they were doing funny tricks and it worked. The dragon let out the princess. The princess gave a kiss to the three knights and they lived happily ever after.

I think Jose has a crush on me.

fuck yeah vacay

I've barely been home in the past four days. First, there was singing with my choir. Then, there was singing with my choir. Finally, there was singing with my choir. (With a little bit of sleeping at the boy's house thrown in the mix.)

We are recording an album and man, is it taking a lot of my time. We've had endless practices. A while back I actually had to go to rehearsal FIVE times in one week. The actual recording has taken eighteen hours SO FAR. We've only recorded half the songs. We will finish the rest next month. The recording was really fun because I love singing and it was nice to hang out with some of the members. I'm better friends with a bunch of them and actually feel comfortable, like I have a place there.

PLUS, I graded all of my students six-week assessments during the recording, a task that usually takes me the better half of a weekend. Being surrounded by women eager to read my students' writing propelled me forward.

AND MOST EXCITING, TOMORROW MORNING I AM GOING TO HAWAII!!!

...oh, also, I bought the new Erykah Badu. After seeing a movie together, I dragged a friend to Barnes and Nobles to purchase the CD. In his company, I didn't dare browse.

pooping is the hot new shit

OR. And this is total overshare: Do you ever try for a silent fart? Like it absolutely has to happen, and you're in the bathroom anyway, so it's not like you're stinking up someone's office?

I stand, lean over at the waist so I'm almost looking at my knees, pull my asscheeks apart a little, and it usually just comes out like "fffft."

...I need to stop posting. Jezebel, this is what you have reduced me to. Dear God.

we're not even going to mention how often I walk into tables

Sometime after lunch today, I was gesticulating wildly with a marker in my hand and managed to jam it into the skin between my eye and my eyebrow. The marker, that is, the cap of the marker cut me.

It's kind of in a sensitive area, not just that the skin is thin there, but if it gets infected because I didn't apply Neosporin until I got home then the pus will drip down into my eye. Gross. I'm not saying it IS infected, just that it COULD get infected, and if it DOES, then the infection will be right smack the center of attention.

Right now, there is a small, crescent moon-shaped laceration, no blood. But maybe you don't care what it looks like and are just wondering, how in hell did this idiot accidentally cut herself with a marker?

I can't resist. I TOTALLY know what she is talking about.

Only another librarian would understand this one, but I had a marine ask me what my favorite system of classification was, and then when he could actually intelligently discuss the Library of Congress system in comparison to Dewey for 5 minutes, I told him I'd have his baby.

new amerykah

Conundrum:

I've been on a money diet for the past two weeks. I figured that my tickets to Hawaii plus having fun IN Hawaii means I have to stop buying useless shit and save up. Since all I do is go to work and go to choir and have sex (that resolution isn't going so well, obviously), it has been easy to save money.

BUT.

The new Erykah Badu album came out this week, and I HEART ERYKAH and have been playing her other three albums on a loop in anticipation. I've rationalized thus far that she's one of my faves and therefor it's not even a consideration, I HAVE to buy the album. But I'm not sure WHERE to buy it. I don't do iTunes for a variety of reasons. I can't walk into Target without purchasing at least a hundred dollars worth of shampoo and socks. I'm embarrassed to admit how much I get from Amazon and how as soon as I open that site my self discipline evaporates.

Tips?