red center

First of all, the Uluru trip was fucking awesome. There was the fucking awesome guide Glenno, the fucking awesome food that we cooked and ate around the campfire, and of course, the fucking awesome girls I spent the whole trip with: Aline and Marjolein. Uluru was freezing cold but we had so much fun.

The first day we spent hours and hours in a very uncomfortable bus. I plugged in my ipod for everyone so we could enjoy some good 'ole hip hop on the way. We passed Vuluru which was NOT Uluru, the geographic center of the continent, a place with camels, several bars in which we were encouraged to buy snacks, and a whole lot of nothingness. The red center of Australia is indeed the middle of nowhere. We drove for FIVE HOURS in the outback until we finally reached Uluru. Thank god Aline and I packed cookies and lamingtons and chocolate to tide us over.

Our first official stop was at Kata Tjuta, otherwise known as the Olgas. These are 36 big lumps of round, red rock. They are bright red. Like you walk through the middle of some of the lumps, and your skin looks reddish because of the reflection. The wind was crazy here. Kata Tjuta is where the men have their initiation ceremonies. Several areas are off limits to regular white folk because of this.

Our next stop was at Uluru, where we watched the sunset. Uluru is in fact, big, red, square, and radiates a brilliant orange in the setting sun. Everyone took about a million pictures, because after all, we drove for 25 hours to see this rock. I did not feel an overwhelming spirit or magic or whathaveyou, but it was very peaceful. Plus, Aline and I ate our second sandwiches from lunchtime, so there was that. Aline and Marjolein and I tried to take a jumping picture and failed quite spectacularly.

Dinner! Was a tasty vegetarian Chinese noodle stir fry. Aline and I were the only vegetarians on the trip, so we got to cook our own food together. And eat it all ourselves. And after our delicious meal, we all sat around the campfire and roasted marshmallows! An American treat! Plus hot chocolate! We had a walk around and looked at the stars, and they were spectacular. Just as bright and shining as in Kakadu. The Milky Way was incredible again.

Unfortunately, the weather was AWFUL and stepping just two feet away from the fire was like entering the Arctic tundra. We slept in sleeping bags inside swags completely zipped up, and I wore my alpaca hat, and I was still so cold that I woke up several times in the middle of the night. Finally I realized that I should flip my sleeping bag upside down so that I could pull the headpiece over like a hood rather than sleep upon it, but it was so hard to do in the middle of the night that I just woke up tired and grumpy. And cold. Because do you know what time we woke up? 5:00 am.

As the sun rose, we walked around the base of Uluru, and this was a bit disapointing as I thought we would be right up against it but we were about 50 meters away for most of it. It looked the same from that distance as it did from the car park, plus there were only three signposts the entire way around with stories or information. Uluru was used as a sacred place for the women in the area. Near the end, we got to walk closer and touch it and see an area where the Aboriginals gathered to eat together. Up close, Uluru is still bright red, but the most striking aspect of the rock are the holes in it, from where smaller rocks popped out due to expanding and shrinking in the changing seasons. The holes have been smoothed over from wind and rain erosion. As we walked, we sang our own national anthems, songs about sunshine, Kol Haneshama round, and other songs we all knew, like Die Moldau. We are all music dorks, which was awesome. The cultural center at the end of the base walk was meh, although they did have tons of pictures of bush tucker, the bugs and plants and fruits that Aboriginals ate. So we sat in the sun outside and ate our own bush tucker: Belgium mint chocolate.

One interesting thing I learned about Aboriginals from Glen our Amazing Guide is that there are still many, many clans living in the outback, living life the traditional way. Those who do bad things, like become alcoholics, are kicked out of the community. Those are the Aboriginals that you see at the bus stations and gas stations in Alice and Katherine, the ones who hang out yelling at one in the morning, the ones who are clearly drunk or on drugs. Glen told us that sugar and flour were not a part of the traditional diet but were given as presents from German missionaries in the 1800s. So much crap food has made many Aboriginals diabetic.

On our second night, we had a tasty pasta dish, and some tasty custard and fruit concoction, and some tasty hot chocolate, and popcorn cooked in the fire. We went to see the stars again with Glen and they were again, amazing. Glenno gave us some good tips for our sleeping bags in swags, and I slept soundly for 5 hours. Because we woke up again in the dark. WE PAID GOOD MONEY TO DO THIS.

The third day activities were hiking in Kings Canyon and driving back to Alice Springs. Kings Canyon was a nice hike, not very strenuous compared to Kakadu. It was filled with red rock formations that looked like Dutch ovens, round lumpy things, and included the Lost City which looked like Angkor Wat when it was first discovered. Aline and I ate muesli bars, chocolate, and gluten-free cereal that Glen was giving away. The driving home part of the trip SUCKED as the bus had the most uncomfortable seats ever, and the road was amazingly boring, and we only passed three road trains, so I ate a whole bag of cereal and finished my 7th book of the trip, this one about a girl who goes to retrieve some shoes her ex-boyfriend sold on e-bay. Quality literature.

Red Center Highlights: One girl thought I was “19 years old, pushing 20,” three people thought my red hair was natural, the dingos I saw in the wild, and most definitely wearing the same outfit for three days and three nights in a row. While hiking. And sitting in the campfire. And sleeping. And I wore all of it at the same time on the third day – running shorts, sweat pants, sports bra, tank top, t shirt, sweatshirt, jacket, snow hat. This was the best outfit because the running shorts have built in unders and the tank was a built in bra kind, so in effect I was wearing 2 pairs of underwear, 2 bras, 2 bottoms, and 2 shirts. When you embrace the dirt, wearing the same outfit over and over is actually quite cozy. Also have I mentioned our guide, Glen? Quite a highlight. Although he smoked like a chimney, he was super nice and funny and used the F word a lot and seemed to enjoy being a guide. He even had a competition in the bus on the way back in which we had to tie a gummy worm into a knot using just our tongues. I did not win, sorry boys.

Red Center Lowlights: I lost my beloved mini Mag flashlight somewhere between the Milky Way and my warm swag.

Australian thing of the past few days: One big red rock and 500ml of chocolate.

a town called Alice

The best part about Alice Springs is the mountain that sits right outside of the town and is mildly picturesque.

German girl Aline and I walk around town (boring), over the Todd River (dry), and through the Pink Olive Botanical Gardens (mostly dead). The upside is that there is so little to do that we can have a real conversation and eat lots of quality junkfood. Aline will be on my Uluru tour for the next three days so it's a good thing I like her. (Even if she is German and I swore to Hendrick that I would not make friends with any more Germans.) Aline bought a lot of cookies and treats for the trip. I bought chocolate and marshmallows to roast on the fire.

We also met Dutch girl Marjolein who will be on our tour and she passed the cool test. Three other girls, Caroline from Vancouver, Emilie and friend from Quebec City, did not pass the test. They are going to be loud and obnoxious and probably complain about stuff. (Ed note – Emilie turned out to be awesome but I can't say the same about the other two.)

Australian things of the day: Lamington cakes, which are supposedly a Brisbane thing, and are really just white cake dipped in chocolate frosting and covered with coconut flakes. Pretty tasty, and very filling. Also: Tomato and carmelized onion flavored tuna. DELICIOUS. Will definitely be purchasing this again. Also: Frozen coke at McDonalds. I'm pretty sure we have this in the US but I'll mention it here in the interest of full disclosure. Also: Crispy fish wrap at McDonalds. I am overwhelmed by how good this tasted and how it was only $2.95. I have eaten more fish and more McDonalds on this trip than I have in the past year at home. Also one more Australian thing or maybe Dutch thing that my roommate Marjolein fed me: rice milk with bananas. YUM I WANT TO EAT THIS FOR BREAKFAST EVERY DAY. Sweeter than horchata, thinner than rice pudding.

I wonder if I can bring cans of tuna past US customs? How about 'roo jerky? Does anyone know?

dah-win

Since Darwin ranks up there with Barstow for entertainment, I had nothing left to do on this fine Friday morning except pack up my stuff, do some internet, stock up on bus food, buy a new book, and enjoy my eighth McDonalds soft serve of the week.

The bus to Alice Springs will take 20 hours.

Two notable things:

1. We hit a kangaroo while driving in the dark. Several times, I believe. The fellow next to me tells me that if you want to drive in the outback at night, you need to have a bullbar on your front fender, else when you hit a roo – it's not a matter of if but when – it won't destroy your car.
2. There are alcoholic and drug addicted Aboriginal groups living along the Stuart highway. They congregate at gas stations and bus stops. They yell and cuss and run around barefoot and dirty, generally acting like animals. This problem is state-wide and is a result of white man taking their land and leaving them homeless, unemployed, and with little connection to their former community and way of life. (I am happy to say that there are many Aboriginal communities still intact and still living off the land in the Torres Strait area and in the outback of the Northern Territory and Western Australia.
   

On the bus, they play the movie Australia, which stars Nicole Kidman, so I win one point against Naomi. Yes, I am still keeping score.

Australian thing of the day: Tropical fruit lassee at the Roma Bar, which promised free internet but had RUN OUT OF SERVICE the previous day. The lassee tasted less delicious after I discovered that.

post trip

I had yet another McDonalds soft serve.

Outside the restaurant was a tall tree COVERED with lorakeets, and their screeching could be heard from blocks away. It sounded like seven cars screeching to a halt at the same time, continuously. Under the tree, you couldn't hear yourself think.

I met the German boys at Mindil Beach Sunset Markets. Imagine The Farmers Market late at night, but cooler. There were booths of every type of food imaginable. There were booths of clothing and crap like sarongs or keychains made out of kangaroo balls. The theme of the night was FOOD. I got Thai sticky rice with mango (delish and only in season in the summer so I should really get on that when I get home), tapioca balls with peanuts (gross), and rice cakes with palm suger (what we ate daily in Thailand). I also sampled McGuyver's shake, Oliver's churro, and got my own pina colada. Hendrik finished all of those for us when we were stuffed. He is a vacuum cleaner. (He said of the 'roo sausages the other night, “I was eating dinner. Everyone else was just eating a snack.”)

Feet and legs sore, we drudged home. I took an all too brief ride in a shopping cart. We ended up at the Meleluca bar, where the boys had been staying. After several pictures of beer, we played I Never and the hand slapping the table in the correct order game. We tried to play 11 22, but Daniel couldn't get the clapping and snapping rhythm down, much less answer with his number. FYI the rhythm goes like this: lap, clap, right snap, left snap. Oliver used his mosquito bite heat machine on me. Then they walked me to my hostel and we all traded emails and blogs. The three big boys (Ollie, McGuyver, and Daniel) will be in Los Angeles in a few weeks and I promised them I would play tourguide. It was sad to say goodbye.

kakadu, pt III

I woke up with over thirty mosquito bites! Yes I counted!

After breakfast, we had a lesson with a “real” Aboriginal guy to teach us about their culture. We learned:

• How to split pandana leaves in order to use them to weave baskets. No one was successful in actually splitting the leaf.
• How the Aboriginals use a fish trap to catch fish. This is a woven, cylindrical type basket with an inverted bowl with a hole set in one side. The Aboriginals damn a river, place the fish trap in the middle, and find that the next morning, their trap is full of fish.
• How to cook a leg of buffalo or a crocodile tail in a hole in the ground. The meat is placed on burning hot rocks in a hole, covered with hot rocks, covered with paper bark, covered with dirt, left alone for several hours. It is like a natural pressure cooker.
• How to play/blow a didjeridu. I failed miserably.
• How to throw a spear. This I was slightly better at.
  

Our midday excursion was to the Maguk site at Kakadu, also known as the plunge pools. These were AWESOME. Huge water holes and water hallways carved out of red rock, with perfect temperature, perfectly clear water passing through. A few small waterfalls as well. No crocodiles. Everyone went swimming and the German boys took some jumping photos and I did some rudimentary synchronized swimming moves and the sun cooperated brilliantly. We had to leave too soon.

We had a picnic lunch that started with the German boys pushing a 4WD bus several feet so that its exhaust pipe would not shoot into our freshly cut tomatoes. Steve wrote, “I wish my partner were this dirty” on its filthy back windows. The food tasted so good after our swim and everyone spoke English.

We stopped at a 9-foot high termite mound to take pictures. Termite mounds are made of “spit and shit.” We drove alongside a billabong to see some wild Brumbie horses and flocks of birds feeding. As we were exiting the park, a fat water buffalo ran across the road in front of our car.

A successful trip! My clothes are beyond filthy, I am somewhat tan, and I get to eat McDonalds 50 cent softserve tonight!

Australian things of the past few days: Crocodiles, wallabies, a kangaroo, a Taipan, assorted birds whose names I don't really care about, a dead cane toad, Brumbies, a water buffalo, and sleeping in a swag! Swags are like little personal tents that you slip your sleeping bag into and they can zip over your head to form a waterproof and bug proof enclosure. They have a sleeping pad attached inside. Swags would be great to take on a backpacking trip if they weren't super heavy because of all the waterproof and army-grade canvas.

kakadu, pt II

Day two started with an Adventure!!! First we saw a Taipan, the most poisonous snake in the world, crossing the road. Then, we got a flat tire! On our 4WD, 14 seater wilderness bus! Everyone piled out and Steve and a few of the German boys switched the tire. The rest of us stood around and took pictures.

Twin Falls! We walked up, up, up, up, up. Straight up the face of the rock escarpment. The view from the top was incredible. We walked on the dry, smoothed out rocks of Twin Falls and looked over the edge. During the Wet, this whole area rushes with water and is only accessable by helicopter. We got to play in the water a little farther upstream. It was warm! The rocks were slimy and slippery with algae! Oliver and I held hands and jumped in together. The water was only two feet deep and actually hurt when we landed.

We climbed back down, took a three minute boat ride to the other side of the mountain, walked over some rocks, and emerged at the bottom of Twin Falls. Everyone proceeded to climb the rocks and sit under the waterfall. The water was freezing but felt awesome coming down. We were not allowed to swim because of crocodiles.

After that, we did a brief hike to Jim Jim Falls, which at this time of year is really Jim Jim Wall. No water falling down. I and a few others walked halfway and hung out on some big rocks by the river while the rest of the group went all the way to the not falls and swam in that pool. I finished the book I was reading and ate a boatload of mint Belgium chocolate.

Back at the parking lot, we saw a cane toad that had been run over by a car. Cane toads were brought to Australia to eat the cane beatle which was ravaging crops. Whoever thought up that plan was a few crayons short of a box because cane toads can't jump higher than a foot, and cane beatles live on stalks several feet above the ground. Cane toads multiplied rapidly and are a huge nuisance to everyone. The German boys took pictures of them fake eating the dead toad.

We arrived back at the campsite at dusk. Guide Steve did a very poor job of time management and rushing us along. We had no wood for a fire, and a few of the boys went out into the bush with their flashlights to find branches and hopefully not find themselves in the sandy billabong with the crocodiles. I taught everyone else how to set up the tents. Steve just barely whispered instructions on how to cook dinner and then just went to sleep. I took a much needed shower and cooked my vegie meal easily enough, but the meat eaters had to wait over an hour more for their kangaroo sausages and buffalo meat to be ready.

Here I should mention that 10 of the 12 passengers on the tour were German, Though most spoke English very well, amongst themselves, and especially when the three German kids who didn't speak English were around, they spoke German. At first I didn't care, but it became more and more frustrating as they all developed inside jokes and told stories that I couldn't evesdrop on. The longest phrase I know in German is Arbeit Macht Frei, and it's pretty hard to work that into conversation. Around the campfire, the German was flying fast and I felt very isolated. I went to bed while the carnivores were still munching and fell deep asleep. I didn't even wake up when Hendrick very loudly set up his swag and sleeping bag inches from my face.

kakadu, pt I

Omigod, I overslept! The fan was so freaking loud that I didn't hear my alarm clock. I woke up to a knock at the door, checked my watch, and hysterically jumped down to answer, cussing the whole way. Thankfully, my tour hadn't left without me, and the guide was waiting downstairs at reception. I frantically shoved my sleeping stuff in my bag, thanking God that I had packed neatly the night before. I repeatedly apologized to the rest of the group loitering outside by the bus, but I'm not sure they realized I was late. Steve, our guide, made me sit in the front for being late, but that's my favorite seat. So take that, Steve.

Ten minutes out of the city center and we were in complete bush wilderness.

The first stop was a boat cruise down the Mary River in which we saw CROCODILES lazing about in the sun and generally looking dead. Ted the boat captain had a serious beef with Steve Irwin and pointed out several times how lazy crocodiles really are, how they don't go around waiting to attack people, rather lay on the banks of the river warming up, going to eat a bird once every few weeks. Yes, if you go in the water, they will kill you, but only to guard their territory and not because they are hungry. I believed Ted because out of the seven or so crocodiles we saw, not a single one blinked an eye, much less moved an inch, when we passed. We also flocks of birds taking off and landing near the water, much as they do in the nature videos, very picturesque. We played with some water lily lotus flowers and leaves, which are incredibly waterproof and hold liquid like they are covered in plastic. Ted picked a bunch of leaves and flowers and made the girls all take photos with leaf hats. All the while, little wallabies were jumping around in the background.

The first site in Kakadu National Park was Ubir rock art. Rock paintings!!! Done in red, yellow, and white. Some of these were 5,000 years old, some only 30 years old. The Aboriginals paint over their own paintings because the act of painting is more important than the painting itself. They use paintings to tell stories and make requests. There were line paintings of fish, snakes, wallabies, buffalo, hands, and white man standing with his hands in his pocket and a pipe in his mouth. Steve told us a bunch of Aboriginal creation stories.

SOME INFORMATION ABOUT THE ABORIGINALS AND THE BUDJIMI CLAN

1. They have been in Australia for over 40,000 years.
2. Each clan speaks a different language. Each person grows up speaking their clan's language plus the languages of the clans surrounding theirs.
3. Incest is a huge no-no and in order to mix the genes, people from the same clan cannot marry.
4. Clans in the Top End used fire management to maintain the land. In the middle of the dry season, patches of savanna and grassland are burned, leaving the land “clean” for seedlings and new grass during the Wet. Trees don't end up burnt because there is so little dead brush on the group (because of previous burns) that the fire spreads quick and stays small. Areas are burnt every three years. We saw several small bush fires while driving through the park. It is a very successful system and they end up with no raging wildfires. LISTEN UP, LOS ANGELES.
5. The only thing that all Aboriginals have in common is the Rainbow Serpent, their creator God. The Rainbow Serpent slithered over the land and formed mountains, rivers, lakes. I think the Rainbow Serpent was once upon a time based on the Milky Way.
   

We climbed a huge rock formation and had a brilliant 360* view of Kakadu. In one direction was the red rock escarpment that separates Kakadu from Arnhem land. In another direction was flat savannah land covered with eucalyptus and pandana palms. In other direction was the grasslands of billabongs, and in another direction still were huge black rock formations, covered in trees, looking like a lost ancient city. It was awesome, and I could easily tell why the Budjimi held this land sacred. The German boys on the bus took the first of many jumping pictures.

On our way to camp, we stopped and picked up firewood, like literally wandered around the side of the road looking for fallen branches. At camp we set up our SWAGS and ate dinner. Out in the middle of nowhere, the stars were crazy awesome and the Milky Way was so clear and white and stretched over the whole sky. I had a dream that Ed from The Bachelorette was my boyfriend.

dah-win

After my morning stroll around Darwin, I can say with much confidence that this city is really boring. I see a cyclone-proof church, the wharf, WWII pictures of Darwin being bombed, and the Supreme Court and Milky Way mosaic inside. Also some painted big sticks and photos of be-wigged old white men justices. The Darwin library looks promising, but the exibit on parasites that I really want to see has not opened yet.

I have a fancy salad (made by me!) for lunch and another soft serve from the little Mc Donalds boy.

I take a bus to the Northern Territory museum, and boy was this museum worth the free admission! First of all, it is blessedly air-conditioned. Second of all, they checked my backpack into a locker (free of charge), so I got to wander around with nothing but a floorplan. And lastly, this museum HAS IT ALL.

The first gallery was about Aboriginals and Aboriginal art. Even though I read all about it in Bill Bryson's In a Sunburned Country, I was still flaberghasted to read that humans migrated to Australia via Indonesia over 100,000 years ago – at the time of homo erectus. This means that the people in Africa and Asia and Australia evolved into Homo Sapiens and modern humans AT THE SAME TIME, INDEPENDENTLY. Like two strains that developed the same brain, by themselves.

I also looked at some line art and dot art. The Aboriginal dot art doesn't excite me at all, but I do like the Northern Territory style of cross hatching line drawings. Lots of browns and reds and yellow and white. Wallabies and snakes and geometric patterns. The Larakie people don't bury their dead, they put the bones into a “bone coffin,” a cylindrical decorated totem that sticks up from the ground. These bone coffins are up to 7 feet tall, and when grouped together, look like a painted pygmy forest.

The Larakie have another belief about when children die. The child's bones are kept in a mini bone coffin in a woven pouch about the size of a hardback book. And the grieving mother wears this bone coffin around her neck until she gives birth to a new child. The new baby is believed to be the other child reincarnated, and given the same name. The mother can discard the old bones and the new child is given a painted replica of the bone coffin to play with until it gets owrn out. If the mother can't conceive again, the bone coffin is passed on to a sister or other female relative who will carry out the tradition.

I heart Aboriginals.

Other exhibits at the Northern Territory museum include:

• Cyclone Tracy and the history of the NT
• dugout canoes and other Indo-Pacific wooden boats
• crocodiles then and now: a journey through evolution
• Birds, bugs, sea creatures, and reptiles of Australia. I especially liked seeing the box jellyfish floating in a jar of preservative
• Glass cases filled artfully with colorful specimen. Each display case was really done well. It was geometric, neatly labeled, well lit, as if done to be photographed into a poster.
• Australia's land mass and animals through time (Gondwana to the present)
  

In the evening I freaked out about money again, but then counted all my receipts and realized I'm exactly where I planned.

Australian thing of the day: Sweetheart the taxidermied crocodile.

flying over the top end

Australian airport security is not so hot as my backpack passed through the x-ray machine with a large spray bottle of sunscreen and a water bottle half full. Good thing you can't actually catch terrorists by restricting their liquid carryons.

Circling over the ocean, I see white and aqua sandbars, and what I think is the Great Barrier Reef. We also fly over the Wet Tropics and Atherton Tablelands. These mountains are absolutely COVERED in trees. When we fly over the Cape, you can see windy turquoise rivers emptying into the sea. The water is so blue.

There are many bush fires on the north coast of NT and I can see the smoke pooling towards the sky as we fly over. I hope they are not burning my beloved Kakadu park which I am PSYCHED about camping in. The coastline over the Top End is just as mesmorizing as the east – there are snaking rivers and scalloped beaches and a long red cut into the earth where the rock is exposed. I learn later that this is the boundry between Kakadu and Arnhem land. The escarpment. I will be climbing it on my camping trip.

Darwin is very flat. From the airport, I only encountered one roundabout, thank God. It is about 85 degrees and remains warm until 10pm, when the temperature drops to about 65. Heaven.

At the McDonalds where I buy my daily ice cream, I am served by a 7 year old. I swear, he came up to my chest and still had his milk teeth. Darwin is weird. My hostel roommate is Bernard and he is French. We eat dinner together, although separate food because he has cooked LAMB and is drinking WINE and I have poured boiling water over ramen. Our other roommate is Andrew the English barman. Our hostel room is so small you have to suck in to pass between the bunkbeds.

The rest of the day, I stress about my schedule and stress about money and stress about whether or not I am seeing the right things on my vacation until I remind myself that this is my summer break and I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT. So then I bank on my intuition and book a 3 day tour of Kakadu, a hostel the night I get back, a bus ride down to Alice Springs, and a 3 day tour of Uluru and the Red Center. This costs so much that I have to withdraw money for two days at the maximum level. But then again, I will not be paying for anything for the next week.

Australian thing of the day: Pineapple fritter at Red Rooster. Delicious. Sweet and soft on the inside, crunchy on the outside. I had a totally weird experience though, where the cashier looked at me funny, like am I SURE I want a pineapple fritter? And the server asked me if I thought it was cooked properly, even though I have never eaten one before and since when do you ask the customer in a fast food restaurant if your food is cooked properly? I am not returning to Red Rooster.

kuranda

Today is split-up day, as I am going to the rainforest town of Kuranda, and Naomi is going to the Great Barrier Reef. First, I get to Zone D bus stop and have a long time waiting around with an American high school charter group. Then, John's Kuranda Bus picks me up, and we have a windy, scenic drive up the mountains.

Kuranda is lovely. It is a tiny town that sells a lot of stuff related to being a tourist in the middle of the Wet Tropics Rainforest. There are cafes, souvenier apparel stores, places where you can get animal magnets, and an old fashioned candy shop. This is where I buy stuff, obviously. As a city, Kuranda is a bit boring, but it is where you have to start. The interesting stuff is all around.

I take a walk on the Jum-Jum trail, several kilometers that wind through palm trees and eucalypts and jungle creepers and all sorts of greenery that look very juicy. There are some pokey plants and some red berries and the faint tinkle of water. It is nice to be in a forest after so much beach.

I take a detour to Barron Falls, because after all, this forest is World Heritage listed and I need to get out into it. I am walking on an empty road in the rainforest. There are houses along the road, and cars drive past intermittently, but other than that, it is still and silent. It is overwhelmingly green and lush. It reminds me of driving through the Andes on the back of the soda truck.

Barron Falls is not amazing in itself, but there is more jungle walk once I arrive, and some cool lookout points, and plaques with educational information about the flora and fauna. It is nice to be by myself, and to set my own pace. When I'm done with the falls, I walk back to the Jum-Jum walk and this time head past the river. It is so serene. There are tall, leafy trees, the path is flat, the weather is warm, the sun shines on the river making a perfect reflection. I forget that I am a city girl and revel in the nature.

The Sky-Rail is actually the reason I came to Kuranda, and it does not dissapoint. We are suspended in little green compartments high above the rainforest canopy. I am enthralled with the miles and miles of green mountains that I forget to look down at the treetops. The Sky-Rail moves very slowly, but each section of the ride ends too soon. I love being up high in the sky. At the two stopping stations, I learn about certain trees and animals which inhabit them, but I've forgotten all that now. All I can remember is feeling on top of the world, looking out at endless mountains covered in rainforest.

I had an hour to kill between landing and my scheduled bus back to town, so I snuck into the Tjapukai Cultural Center. Well, there was a back gate that was clearly not intended for visitors but it was open, and there was no one collecting admission there, and when I walked through no one stopped me. I saw a turtle swimming with an eel in a river, an Aboriginal boomerang throwing demonstration, and a painfully bad holographic Aboriginal creation myth movie. I really wanted to see the traditional village, but I had missed that part of the tour and felt too guilty to sneak back again and take a look.

At Tropic Days, Naomi and the roommates had all pooled their food on the picnic tables outside. I joined them for dinner and then internetted late into the night on my netbook. Naomi was very kind to take back some of my crap to California, so now my backpack is noticeably lighter. Number one thing to go were the snorkling goggles that Naomi convinced me I needed to bring and which I did not use ONCE.

Australian thing of the day: Sun-dried tomato dip belonging to our German/Austrian roommates which was SOOOOOOOOOO DELICIOUS and I do believe I ate half of the container. No one else was much interested in it.

more cans

Today we have a beach day NOT in Cairns, because THERE IS NO BEACH IN CAIRNS. We bus to Trinity Beach, which is nice enough, but after we lie down it becomes windy as hell and it's just unpleasant lying there. The wind is howling through my ears, my dress is blowing up, and the book won't stay open by itself. We are obviously not going to go in the ocean. So we walk to the end of the beach where the shore curves, and the wind is much weaker there, barely blowing at all, so we can enjoy our sunshine time for a few hours.

On the way home, the bus stops to let off a bunch of university students, and as it pulls away from the curve, we see a youngish guy running towards the bus, yelling. He was peeing on the side of the road, into the bush. The bus driver ignores him and keeps going forward. Two stops later, the guy catches up with the bus, and the driver makes him apologize to all of the people sitting here. We all laugh. The driver is PISSED, but it is really funny.

In the evening, we go to the Woolshed, where we are promised a FREE dinner by our hostel. We each get a different flavor of pasta and trade. Dinner is ok, pretty good for free. We figure that the Woolshed makes all of it's money by backpackers getting free dinner and then staying for drinks, but we jet out of there asap.

Back at Tropic Days, Master Chef is playing again, and then SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE, US VERSION!!! YAY!!! I go to sleep very happy.

cans, the promised land

We pull up to the transit mall in the wee hours of the morning, load our stuff, and walk many, many blocks to Travelers Oasis, the hostel that Nadine worked at and recommended. They are full, but ship us over to Tropic Days, their sister hostel a few blocks farther.

Tropic Days is AWESOME. It is basically two converted houses side-by side. There is a pool, a TV room, a reading living room, 3 kitchens, tables in the garden, several bathrooms, and no bunk beds. They are manic about cleaning here at Tropic Days. In addition to stripping the beds and washing linens, changing toilet paper and mopping bathroom floors, sweeping common areas and taking out the trash, they SCRUB THE STAIRS and WIPE THE WALLS and BRUSH THE CEILINGS. EVERY DAY. Every time one of the workers walks through the kitchen, s/he wipes over the counters and puts away drying dishes. The workers run around cleaning frantically half the day and the other half of the day they clean with less energy. After the second day, Naomi and I were exhausted from just watching.

After checking in, we booked our assorted tours and transportation for the next few days and then took a looooooooooooong walk to the Botanical Gardens. These were not open parkland like in Sydney, but rather like a dense jungle with a walkway through it. On the way, we passed Cairns Central Swamp, which implies that Cairns has more than one swamp? We walked through an Australian cemetery which is just like the American ones, only you can't put fresh flower because mosquitos. We also walked through an Aboriginal garden which was pretty boring. I did enjoy the fernhouse portion of the botanical gardens. It was cool and wet.

Next, we headed towards the esplanade so that we could enjoy the Cairns beach en route to the “lagoon” pool. Since Sydney, we have been eagerly awaiting our arrival in warm, sunny, providential Cairns. It is our promised land. Everyone we met was heading up there. Cairns' sunshine and blue beaches beckoned! As we marched the blocks to the ocean, we saw it!

The brown, muddy banks of low-tide Cairns.

NOT a swimming beach, hence the lagoon. But not even as pretty as Airlie Beach. Sigh. We settled down on the lagoon grass and bake.

When it gets cold, we start the trek home, but thankfully find our hostel shuttle to take us. My feet are dead. I eat pasta for dinner and watch Master Chef.

Australian thing of the day: Cherry Ripe dark chocolate/coconut/cherry candy bar, Thai red curry flavored tuna, and McDonalds 50 cent ice cream. All good, but not good enough for repeats.

eh-lee and the whitsunday islands

We go on a big raft! We snorkle! We go to a beautiful white sand beach! We do donuts on the raft! It is close to paradise!

Truthfully, the big raft is an air-filled, bright yellow bubble raft with a roof, not a Huck Finn wooden thing slapped together. We are in a group of about twenty, with two guys steering and leading. Of of them has a very long mullet. They advise us that they don't go back for lost hats that blow away, “unless it is still on your head.” They motor our raft very quickly and do S-shaped maneuvers that make you nearly fall backwards or forwards. I hate these in the beginning but then love them on the way home. On our way out, we pass a raft picking up a girl who fell out.

The snorkling is so-so. The water is too cold to really enjoy myself. I see plate coral (shaped like a big plate), brain coral, “traditional” coral, but everything is in earth tones. I see a bunch of fish, big humpnose three feet long, rainbow fish, large black and yellow clownfish, tiny silver sardine-like fish, and very small jellyfish.

The best part about our rafting trip is Whitehaven Beach. White, soft sand, barely any waves, deserted. Whitehaven is on par with the beaches of Thailand, but the water is a bit chilly. I eat my tomato/cheese/avocado sandwich and start a new stupid girly book. We hang out in heaven for two hours.

We get a Greyhound overnight bus to Cairns. Greyhound sucks. They assign you to seats, and they place you in the BACK ROW NEXT TO THE BATHROOM. Plus, they have the heat going from underneath your seat, so even if Naomi finds an empty row and you can both lie down, the heat coming up through your jacket and straight into your face will prevent any sleep from occuring.

Australian thing of the day: Tropical flavor and Berry Blast Mentos. Pineapple is delicious, mango is weird, passion fruit is just gross. All of the berry flavors are yum, but are really just like eating Skittles, the purple pack. I might be getting over my Mentos addiction.

eh-lee beach

We take a night bus to Airlie Beach. I thought it would suck, but it didn't. I sat right up front and the bus was only half filled, so we got to have our own seats. Naomi and I pulled out our sleeping bags and that was that. I listened to Anuna and Nickel Creek and a Juana Molina episode of Radiolab and then fell asleep.

Airlie Beach is warm and HUMID. The beach is really a harbor, and Airlie has several colorful hotels perched on hillsides overlooking the boat filled bay. It is quite picturesque.

Today we checked in, met our roommates, and hung out separately at the “lagoon.” Nadine, Irish, told us about picking fruit at Bundaburg to get her worker's visa. Every day at dawn, the backpackers in the hostel would be driven to nearby farms, set in fields, given baskets, and remained there all day. She said they got covered in dirt and the farmers would come round every hour or so to refill water bottles and slather sun cream on them. At night, the backpackers would all pool their respective produce from their different farms, pack lunches, and fall into bed. She did this for six weeks to earn enough money to move on. I have to say, it sounds kind of fun to me. Nadine reported that there was a lot of comraderie in the hostel, a lot of sharing of food and stories. She complained that there was no bar nearby, but that wouldn't bother me. Nadine also did a few hours of cleaning in exchange for free room at one of the hostels in Cairns. We visit that hostel and ask about her and apparently she made quite a name for herself.

Today I hung out at the “lagoon” for several hours and read my 6th grade book. The lagoon is a wobbly shaped swimming pool right on the edge of the harbor, surrounded by grass for optimal tanning. I sat partly in the shade, but was surrounded by twenty-somethings simply BAKING on the sand and on the grass. Arlie Beach is the kind of place where you sleep in, lay out by the pool all day, drink at the bars all night. Every few days, you take a sailing or a snorkling trip, on which you do more laying out and drinking.

I took a long walk to Coles supermarket, walking through a neighborhood and practically falling off the mountain aside a busy street with no sidewalk. There were numerous lookouts over Airlie Beach and I think I took about sixty pictures enroute. I can't believe how much I sweat on the this twenty minute walk. I hung out in Coles for an hour just for the air conditioning.

In the evening, we booked our snorkling trip and bus ride for the following day with Jaime, who was really friendly and really upbeat and joked the whole time and was certainly gay. Then I internetted for a while at McDonalds, where they had FREE WIFI!!! Mickey Ds in foreign countries is way better than back home. Here, they also have a whole bakery section with tasty looking cakes and pies. After a while, the internet got messed up and I returned to the hostel and fell into a DEEP SLEEP. I didn't even wake up at 5:00 when Nadine was yelling with a friend for half an hour right outside our bedroom.

Australian thing of the day: Sun-dried tomato flavored rice cakes. Lots and lots of red, powdery goodness stacked on each rice cake. Get your daily sodium requirement in one go. Very tasty.

fray-zer island

Fraser Island is a UNESCO World Heritage site, which means, of course, that it is a must-see on this trip. Fraser is completely made of sand. There is no dirt. All of the trees – and the island is covered in trees – all of them drop their leaves and branches and they get crunched up and sink to beneath the sand layer, providing minerals for the roots. It's a whole cycle. The sand is awesome. The roads are made of sand, the open meadow areas are made of sand covered by pine needles, the creek flowing through the island is silent as it wanders over a white sand bank.

Karl our tour guide was awesome. Quite a live one. His name is pronounced, “Cow.” Here are some of his pearls of wisdom:

• “Every tree is a lavatory.” (pronounced lava-tree)
• “How can you tell the back of the tree from the front? The back is where you find a little pile of toilet paper.”
• “It's not the cough that offs you, it's the coffin they take you off in.”
  

We drove on the beach in a 4WD bus. Like, ON THE BEACH. Like, the waves were lapping at our wheels. We saw some cool island attractions, even though the biggest attraction is the SAND. We saw the Champaign Pools, Indian Head, Rainbow Rocks, and the wreck of the Maheno. We ate lunch and dinner from an all-you-can-eat buffet which was a huge highlight of the trip. For desert they had this apple cobbler with cream that was like a dream. Both Naomi and I snitched fruit to take back with us, and I also took a load of condiments for the future – peanut butter, jelly, and ketchup packets.

On the second day, we visited Lake McKenzie. The lake is a freshwater lake atop a sand pit, and the water is perfectly clear, looking blue from the shore. Of course, it is surrounded by sandy beaches. When we arrived early in the morning, the lake was shrouded in a thick fog and it was impossible to tell which was sky and which was lake. I crept forward and was honestly standing with my feet at the waters edge, but the water was so clear, I still couldn't tell where the beach ended and the lake began. Only when we stepped in and our feet disturbed the water did we see the surface of the lake. It was surreal. Everyone waded around and took pictures, and eventually the fog lifted. In the sun, Lake McKenzie was turquoise and surrounded by greenery. Picturesque, perfect. Ruined by the loud arrival of American teenagers on exchange programs.

To get to Lake Wabby, we had to hike up a sand mountain and then climb over huge sand dunes. Lake Wabby glittered below, it's own little oasis. The lake glowed bright green from the algae living within. I worked up quite a sweat climbing and running down the sand, and excitedly jumped into the FREEZING COLD WATER.

Karl told us about some hotel proprietors on the island who owned a black cat. As a UNESCO site, there are very strict rules about bringing in wildlife that is not native. Somehow, Karl's friends managed to snag a permit for this cat. 25 years later, there is still a black cat living on Fraser. It is not the same cat. Karl's friends have swapped out new cats secretly on the same permit over and over.

I learned about poor Eliza Fraser. She and her husband, for whom this island is named, were traveling to Australia when their ship ran aground on the island. Seven months pregnant, Eliza gave birth on the long boat from the ship to the island. Her baby died in the scuttles. I don't know what scuttles are. Eliza worked with the Aboriginal women on the island for 9 weeks. She was horribly depressed. She finally escaped Australia and moved back to England, selling her story in Hyde Park.

I learned about the Maheno ship, which was being towed to Japan when a cyclone hit and it blown onto the east shore of Fraser. There it sat for many months, while the Japanese sailors worked odd jobs on Fraser's shipyard. It was rumored that the Japanese were actually spying on the Aussie's and setting up surveillance for WWII. The ship remained on the beach and is still there today, rusting away.

Other Fraser Island highlights:

• WE SAW A TURTLE!!! IN THE LAKE!!
• WE SAW A WHALE!! IN THE OCEAN!!
• My bus seat mate changed out of his bathing suit and came back into the bus not wearing pants!
• There was a gecko on our hostel dorm ceiling and it fell on our roommate in the middle of the night. She did not scream.
  

People we met on our tour:
Beat, half of the Swiss Couple
The Coughing Girls who had bleached hair and tanned skinned and wore their bikinis and teeny-weeny shorts and nothing else. They had loud, hacking coughs and smoked all day long.
Omar the Egyptian
The guy from York who psycho diagnosed us
Mexican Hair-gel Couple
Irish Teachers who spoke Gaelic

Australian thing of the day: Karl

har-vee bay

Woke up late.
Walked to the ATM with the sun shining! Warm weather! Gift from god! Wearing my gray tank top, even though I've been wearing it for 4 days and 2 nights running, and promised Naomi that I would retire it today! Booked our tour for Fraser Island!

Beach day! I took a walk down the sunny boardwalk, ate some quiche, laid out on the beach, applied copious amounts of sunscreen, talked with some Belgium guys in our hostel dorm apartment room, and read my book. Really, did nothing all day. It was blessed relaxation. After all, I am on summer vacation.

Australian thing of the day: Vegemite spread. I was very excited to find this in the grocery store in a single serving pack. I've been waiting since day one to have a Vegemite sandwich, but didn't want to commit to a whole jar. I spread some in a tiiiiiiiiiiny corner of a piece of bread, took a bite, and immediately spit it in the trash. Vegemite tastes like salty toe jam.

briz-bin, day three

Another early morning, another city bus, another zoo. The Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary is SO much cooler than Australian Zoo. It cost half as much, was way closer, and smelled good. LPKS is in the middle of some wilderness, on the bank of the Mississippi River, covered with eucalyptus. The park is divided into several wide open hilly areas, like large habitats, for the animals to wander and bounce around on. I pet some baby goats, woolly sheep, kangaroos, and wallabies. The red kangaroos here were HUGE. Sitting on their hind legs, some reached my chest. We saw lots and lots of koalas, little gray, fuzzy, sleeping balls perched between branches of fake trees. They are very round.

LPKS smelled really good and was very peaceful. The sun was out and wandering around amidst grass and trees put me in a very good mood.

That afternoon we took a bus to Hervey Bay. I read an entire chick lit novel about a woman who accidentally starts dating her best friend's ex-boyfriend. Riveting.

Australian thing of the day: Liquid breakfast, banana flavor. First ingredient is water, second ingredient is cereal. I imagine pouring a bowl of corn flakes in the blender. It tastes surprisingly good, and thin, and not at all like drinking the soggy leftover brown stuff in the bottom of your cereal bowl. I think this stuff is popular; I've seen it at every convenience store. And there are a shitload of convenience stores here, on average two per block.

briz-bin, day two

Australian Zoo Day!

Shh, don't tell Naomi but I thought this zoo sucked. It took us over an hour to get there, it cost an arm and a leg, and it was SMALL. The upside was

1. I GOT TO PET A KANGAROO!!!! They are surprisingly soft, like rabbits. I took about a hundred pictures of the kangaroos, some of them with joeys sticking out of their pouches.
2. WE SAW BINDI IRWIN!!! Daughter of Steve Irwin!! We also saw mom Terri and brother Bob. We saw them at the Crocoseum show, where they fed a crocodile.
3. WE TOOK PART IN AN AUCTION! By “took part,” I mean “watched.” We thought the Crocoseum show was beginning, but a man came out with his mike and started an honest-to-god auction to spend time with the Irwins at the zoo, taking care of the elephants and such. He started it at $700 which I thought was ridiculous high, but it actually finished at $3,000.
4. WE SAW TWO BLACK KIDS ON THE BUS HOME!
5. I GOT TO WEAR MY GRAY DRESS!!! It was kind of sunny, so that was nice. No winter coat, for the second time on the trip.
   

We hung out with some 'Raelies at the hostel, Izzi and Adi and Boogy. Izzi plied we with tasty wine and we fed them with our cracker/sour cream/chutney dream snack. We spoke Hebrew and I was sorry to leave them in the morning.

Australian thing of the day: Australian wine, drunk in a coffee mug, sitting on the floor of our hostel room. Either that or Bindi Irwin.

briz-bin

The early bus to Brisbane was fun. The bus driver was chipper. The road was scenic, covering little beach towns and giving us a glimpse of the gold coast, which looked like Miami, glass high rises built up to the sand. The early bus (which was 3 hours long) took a breakfast break and I tasted sweet chili and sour cream chips, which is a popular flavor here. The bus break is as Australian thing. There are signs on the highway that drivers should “Stop, Stretch, Revive” every two hours. The only negative on the early bus was the lady sitting next to me, who was wearing killer red leather boots, but moved to the back row after breakfast break and PAINTED HER NAILS. On a closed, 12-seater bus.

In Brisbane we checked our luggage and took a walk around. Naomi immediately proclaimed her love for the city, but I didn't like it as much as Sydney. We saw a bunch of fancy buildings, including the train station, the old treasury building which is now a 24 hour casino, the old post office and full stamp collection (including kangaroo, Tasmanian devil, and wombat stamps), and the commissariat stores buildings, “built entirely by convicts.” A nice lady gave us a tour of the museum and we learned a lot about early convict life and the mistreatment of the Aboriginals. I did so much “research” for this trip that I felt like I already knew everything she told us, but she told us that she preferred Sydney over Brisbane so I wanted to be her friend.

On our way over the something River, (we just call every river the Mississippi), we found ourselves in the middle of the best farmers market in the world. ENDLESS SAMPLES. We were over the moon. Fruit, avocado, bread and vinegar, bread and spreads, and the most delicious snack every created, date and almond chutney over sour cream on crackers. We planted ourselves in front of that table and basically ate lunch.

Across the river was a big library and an art museum and a public bathroom, some grass and a cultural center. We walked around quickly and then returned to the farmers market for seconds.

We also took a tour of the parliament building with the worst tour guide I've been with so far. He was very friendly and spoke very clearly and seemed very knowledgeable, but it was clear that tour-guiding was the last thing he wanted to do. His heart was really in chatting. We talked about our jobs and our hometowns and the educational system in Australia -- their school year begins in January and ends in November, giving their school years a single year date (2009 vs 2008-2009) – and a teensy bit about the Australian government system. At once point we were standing in front of the famous Speaker's Mace, the one he had glossed over at the beginning of the “tour,” and while he chatted away to another guy about Melbourne's football team, each of us wandered over to admire the bejeweled Mace and read the attached placard. In order to move him along, we interrupted his conversation and asked about the Mace. He replied, “Oh yeah, that's the one. Let's keep walking here and I'll show you the library.” We were so weary from our tour and carrying our crap around that we walked 20 meters through the Botanical Gardens and called it quits.

Australian thing of the day: Sweet chili and sour cream chips. Very tasty. Pretty mild spiciness compared to Flaming Hot Cheetos. Just my speed.

first week stats

1. I have worn my gray sweatshirt tank for 5 days and 2 nights.
2. I have brushed my hair once.
3. I have watched 3 cheesy chick flicks which I've already seen and hated. Total desperation. Music and Lyrics, Must Love Dogs, and Confessions of a Shopaholic.
4. I have eaten sun-dried tomato flavored tuna twice.
5. I have eaten 2 chocolate bars and ½ a bag of orange-flavored MMs.
6. I have read 3 books: The Water is Wide by Pat Conroy. AMAZING. Everyone go out and buy this book right now. Work Hard, Be Nice by Jay Matthews, about the KIPP charter schools. Meh. True Love and Other Lies, a total no-brain girly book.

revised itinerary

The McDonalds in Airlie Beach has free internet, so HERE I SIT. I checked Greyhound and they have a daily service from pretty much everywhere to everywhere else, which helps me be more flexible in zipping down the center of the country. The famous Ghan, which sounded really cool, only leaves twice a week. Also I've decided to fly from Alice Springs to Melbourne. Apparently Adelaide is really boring.

			wed 15 snorkling in Whitsunday islands, night bus to Cairns	thurs 16 Cairns	fri 17 cairns	sat 18 cairns
sun 19 cairns, fly to darwin	mon 20 darwin	tues 21 kakadu	wed 22 Kakadu	thurs 23 Darwin	fri 24 bus to Alice Springs	sat 25 uluru
sun 26 uluru	mon 27 uluru	tues 28 fly to Melbourne	wed 29 melbourne	thurs 30 melbourne	fri 31 melbourne	sat 1 melbourne
sun 2 sydney	mon 3 sydney	tues 4 sydney	wed 5 leave

australians DO have

rubgy
plentiful public restrooms with dual flush toilets
tropical flavor mentos
pies
lots of big coins
syringe deposit boxes in bathrooms
chilled drinking fountains on trains
fruits and vegetables on steroids

you can't get it in australia

Black people
good peanut butter
fat people
litter
black pepper
orbit gum
toilet seat covers
paper towels in bathrooms

byron bay sucks

We woke up to gray skies and heavy clouds. It was chilly and felt like rain. After going to the supermarket and buying yet more food, we set off for the famous lighthouse and the cape walk.

Byron Bay IS pretty, but I was not entirely impressed with it. It is a surfer's town. It is like Huntington Beach, or Venice Beach, or any number of small coastal towns like it in the world. None of these places are very fun when it is cold and rainy. We saw a number of people surfing, or heading to the beach to surf, or taking a surf lesson from an orange-suited instructor. Everyone else was either doing the same walk we were, or listlessly hanging out in cafes or stores.

The walk was strenuous and the beaches pretty, but not the garden of eden that Lonely Planet makes it out to be. There were a lot of rocks that looked tide-pool worthy, but it was so damn cold there was no way I was going to walk down there and risk getting splashed by a wave. The headlands were covered with wild grass and wildflower plants (not in bloom) and variously placed tropical trees. We climbed to several lookout points and tried to spot Migaloo the albino whale. S/he is known to hang out around these parts. We made it to the most easterly point of the Australian mainland (and took a picture, of course). We saw the famous lighthouse and ate our tuna lunches beneath it.

That was when it started to rain. A light drizzle at first, which is when we started on the end part of the trail, through a tropical forest. I had my umbrella and Naomi had her bright blue plastic poncho, so we were fine. The tropical forest was awesome. It was shady and quite darkened because of the canopy of green above us. There were palms, eucalyptus, types of cacti, ferns, yellow bottle brushes, and other plants I couldn't identify. We were the only ones on the trail. You could hear the rain pitter patter on the leaves of trees, could hear branches shake in the breeze. Our path was on inlaid stone which gave way to sand halfway through. The jungle was thick and you couldn't see out.

When we emerged from the forest, the rain was coming down hard. We raced back to our hostel but shoes and jeans still got soaking wet. I was quite grumpy because we were staying in the worst hostel in the world which didn't have an inside and was as cozy as a bowl of ice. I tried to read in the reading room but it had no heat and the floor was cold and the lights were very dim. They were out of mugs in the kitchen so I could not drink hot tea. Byron Bay sucks. Lucky for Naomi, I found the TV room which was carpeted and be-couched. I watched an awful movie that I'm ashamed to admit I've already seen (Music and Lyrics) and then both of us returned to eat dinner in front of the Australian news.

We planned to leave early the next morning, which wasn't soon enough.

Australian thing of the day: Flavored tuna. They love their tuna here. Ten shelves at the market are full of various tuna flavors, the amount of space reserved for pasta in the US. Tuna is sold out of a can, with a pull-top lid, already flavored with spices or vegetables or tomatoes. You eat it straight out of the can and don't have to mix it with anything to make it palatable. I got sun-dried tomatoes and basil. It was seriously awesome. I am not a big tuna person, but I know it is good for me, and I would buy cans of this and eat it all the time if they sold this at home.

train day

Last night, every single person in our room went to the bathroom between 4:30 and 5:00 am.

We are spending the day traveling from Sydney to Byron Bay, 10 hours by train. Early in the morning, we get on the train and unload our packs, sleeping bags, and 4 bags of groceries. Naomi and I had a giggling fit about the amount of food we brought for our 12 hour trip. Enough to feed us for 3 days. In case you are wondering:

• salad
• pasta and sauce
• oranges
• yogurt
• tuna
• crackers
• cookies
• peanuts and walnuts
• trailmix
• tea and sugar
• chocolate bars
• V8
• lettuce and spinach (that's in addition to the salad)
• peanut butter
• nutella
• peanut butter sandwiches, already prepared
• coconut bread from the Korean bread store
• cheese
• water bottles
• MMs
  

We unpacked it all and it barely stayed up on our TWO meal trays long enough to take a picture. Then we put it away and picked at it throughout the day, barely making a dent.

The beginning of the route is seriously the windiest, slowest train I have ever been on. Part of the route goes through the Great Dividing Range Mountains, and that windy slowness is understandable. But miles and miles of the trip takes place over flattened fields and through relatively flat forests. The train S-curves through these parts as well, never going above 40 mph. It is as though the railroad engineers decided to follow the contours of an imaginary river EXACTLY. This commute it going to take us 12 hours but it could probably be shortened in half if they relaid the tracks in a a straight line and then the train could quit meandering and speed up. Also, then I could on the train without getting dizzy.

Twenty minutes outside of Sydney, we are in wilderness. Lush hills of eucalyptus and bush. Green, green, green. Hills for miles. Fog filling the valleys and lazily smoking upwards. Feels like rainforest.

Lush, green forests make way for pasture land and rolling hills, scattered trees. Sheep and cows grazing.

Lots of eucalyptus forests.

Pastures and farmland turn into small towns with grassy fields and rivers.

What do we do on the bus? We read and eat. We see one black guy on the train. This is the most exciting thing to happen all day. We vow to never take an all-day train again.

Australian thing of the day: Coconut bread, which is probably Taiwanese, but it counts since I ate the whole bag along the Australian countryside. Coconut bread feels like a cloud on your tongue, warm, light, and sweet. I would eat this for breakfast every day if I had a Taiwanese bread machine.

Australian thing of the day 2: Orange flavored MMs. Just like the regular ones, with a shot of orange flavor. Worth the inflated overseas price.

sid-nee

After the game we went to THE GROCERY STORE which thrilled both of us beyond belief. I love foreign markets. We wandered up and down the aisles and probably spent a good 20 minutes ogling at their selection of tuna. We left with tons and tons of food.

After eating dinner back at the hostel, I got a call from Julian, Glenda's cousin. He came by and the three of us went to a bar and talked about how much he hates Australians. I drank Australian beer which was gross, just as gross as American beer. Julian was a wealth of information and provided us with several awesome Michael Jackson jokes. Which I have dutifully reprinted below.


Q: When does Michael Jackson know it is time to go to bed
A: When the big hand touches the little hand.

Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A: From a catalogue.

Micheal Jackson went swimming in Sydney Harbor. Do you know why he didn't drown? He was holding on to a buoy.

Did you know that Michael Jackson thought that Boys II Men was an ordering service.

And my favorite cringe-worthy MJ joke, from Benja many years ago:
Q: What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
A: Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson touches little boys.

electrical storm

Hm. I just plugged in the computer charger, with the Australia plug and surge protector on the end, and the wall socket sparked and smoked. I took it out immediately, and thank goodness it wasn't connected to my computer. There are smoke marks on the output of the surge protector. Maybe it wasn't ready for 240V? It says the max voltage surge is 330V. I'm scared to plug in my computer, ever.

aussie rules football rules

On Sunday we had planned to go to the Jewish Museum and then the Australian Museum. We took the train to Kings Cross and started walking around, trying to find that famous Coca Cola sign. I have to report that I was sorely disappointed by it. I was expecting a metallic, glittering, stand up cursive affair, like the one in Strictly Ballroom. The two-dimensional plastic poster was boring. Baz Luhrman's Sydney is much more brilliant.

Just as we passed the red and white sign, we spotted a bunch of people wearing red and white clothes. They were all walking in the same direction. We followed them. We decided to go to a rugby game!

Or so we thought! The playing grounds were called "Sydney Cricket Grounds," and there was a bit of worry that we might be held captive to a long and slow cricket death match. Judging from the kids' balls they had brought, which were football-like but slightly bigger and rounder, we decided on rugby. The first half of the game we spent trying to figure out how points were scored. In rugby, we decided, you earned 6 points by getting the ball through the middle posts, and just one point from the side posts. In rugby, you did not wear helmets or padding or any protection at all. During halftime, I turned around and asked a fellow what sport we were watching. With real concern in his eyes, he informed me that this was an Australian Football League game.

THESE ARE THE RULES TO AUSTRALIAN RULES FOOTBALL, AS FAR AS WE CAN TELL.

1. The players must wear short shorts. That is their only rule. They are pretty much allowed to do whatever they want to get the ball through the goal posts – run, walk, throw, catch, bounce, tackle, block, grab, punch, etc. You can grab a player's groin and box him in the nose while grabbing the ball from under his shirt. Anything goes. They are pretty strict about the shorts, though.
2. The referees, who also wear short shorts, must sprint across the field at Olympic speed when handling and out-of-play ball. They need to practice their running and backwards throwing year round if they are to qualify for referee-ship for the season. No out of shape refs here, nosiree.
   
3. Spectators must wear tons of Swan flair, hats, sweaters, scarves, flags, shirts. It is best if you wear all of this at once. If you don't have official membership gear, you can just wear a lot of red and white.
4. During quarter breaks, you must leave your seat and buy food. If you are buying beer, you must spill half of the cup while walking back to your seat.
5. Don't you dare eat broccoli at the game.
6. The winning team fans will stand and sing their team song at the end of the game.

Australian thing of the day: Australian football.

sid-nee

Yesterday was a big walking day. First I woke up at 5:30, which didn't seem too bad for the first night of jet lag. So I spent the wee hours of the morning reading in the lounge, where there is a giant brown couch, deep cushions, huge ottoman, where I want to spend every lazy moment.

Naomi was arriving at 7ish, and through a series of mixed messages with the check in people, she headed up to my room to wait for me while I waited for her in the lounge. At about 8 I went upstairs and discovered her. She had been trying to wake up another girl in the room by called my name and the other girl was very sleepily ignoring her. We rejoiced and I marked the occasion by eating a power bar. (“Wait, you ate a power bar? I don't remember that.” --Naomi)

First stop: Paddy's Market for fresh produce. We got a bunch of stuff for salad and snacks and then ravenously ate back at YHA. I miss salad dressing and have vowed to buy a bottle at the next opportunity.

Second stop: Railway station to buy tickets to Byron Bay or just bug the ticket people about various passes, railway savers, student rates, YHA fares. Naomi's ticket guy sucked, but my lady was really cool and added up every single train ride I plan to take (9) and then established that none of the rail passes would save me any money. So after all that, we didn't buy tickets and instead “thought about it.”

I asked Naomi what we would do to mark the July 4 holiday and she remarked that I was wearing red earmuffs. And a white shirt. And blue jeans. We sang patriotic songs (badly) on our walk through the city. We both love You're a Grand Ole' Flag but neither of us knows the words beyond, you're a high flying flag.

On our way to Sydney Opera House! But first actually, we passed the NSW state library first, and it had a really impressive exterior (Victorian/Gothic stonework! Stained glass windows! Copper dome!) and an even cooler interior. A huge old map from 1644 was done in stone in the foyer, and you know how I love maps. The library had a huge reading room like NY Public Library, books stacked on three story walls with old fashioned banisters and ladders, open white ceiling that felt like a giant sky-light. We wandered into an exhibition of old panoramic photos of Australia, and I impressed Naomi by identifying most of them and reporting where they were taken. (2 movies, 2 books, and lot of Wikipedia research.)

Sydney Opera House! You all know what this looks like! Up close, it is way cooler. I thought the canopies were made out of canvas and billowed in the wind, but really they are stone and tiled in a shiny/matte pattern. Up close, they really do resemble huge clam shells. There was really good people watching and bridge-walker watching, so we sat awhile and marveled.

Then off to the Royal Botanical Gardens which are like a great big manicured park with birds and bats and picnickers. We saw lots of fig trees (ficus!), ferns, bamboo which is really loud and frightening when blowing in the wind, seriously “creak creak creaky” as if they are going to fall down on you any moment, fruit bats hanging upside down, a wedding party photograph session, mini trees inside wrought iron jails, palm trees, a pond, lots of birds that we are not allowed to feed! Ever! And of course, the Wollemi Pine, thought to be millions of years extinct until it was found growing happily in Australia and now you can buy your own Wollemi Pine in the gift shop. Also we saw a group of twenty-somethings wearing red and black and tutus and hats and really just lots and lots of clothing that fit the color scheme, shouting and singing and drinking and they even had their own Donald Duck mascot. Maybe a class reunion? I wanted to join them with my red ear warmers but alas. While checking my hair for guano droppings I noticed that I had had a bloody nose and NAOMI DIDN'T TELL ME. Minus ten points.

Hungry and exhausted, we headed home but first stopped at Art Gallery NSW, because it was free. And the exterior was Victorian/Gothic/copper with Ionian pillars. SO PROUD that I can distinguish between pillar styles, thank you 6th Grade History Alive! I wanted to see the silk ikats of Central Asia, but the guard told us that it had just closed, but don't worry, “It's nothing, just a lot of clothes. You won't like it.”

We left our judgmental guard and slowly plodded home. Stopped to internet and discovered that SARAH PALIN RESIGNED!!??!?!!?! Wanted to spend the next three hours reading huffpo and mudflats and being flabbergasted and deliriously happy.

In celebration of our nation's birth, the bar next door was playing patriotic songs and having a pole-dancing competition to win a free trip to Fraser Island. We instead went to sleep.

Australian thing of the day: Custard Apple. Looks like an artichoke from a distance, a really lumpy giant guava from up close. It is squishy like a rotten apple. Inside is white, like a pear, but softer. It tastes like guava/mango/pear/apple. Once we established that it wouldn't make us gag, we cut it up and ate it in salad.
Verdict: Yum.

sid-nee

Of wandering around only half conscious...

Three hours to kill until noon check in, when I can take a much needed nap. I sit in the lounge intending to do internet or read, but instead fall asleep all over my computer. I got myself a real chai latte from a cafe and had a walk around the neighborhood. Scoping out the food places (numerable), the people (white and asian, no black), and the neighborhood (meh). Happily returned to my hostel and took a much needed, horizontal nap.

At two-ish I forced myself awake to go do more touring. First I had a veggie burger at Hungry Jacks, which is really just Burger King in disguise. I mean, logo and everything. I was happy to be inside because Sydney is really windy and Wimbledon was playing.

Then I unintentionally took a religious tour of central Sydney. First was St. Andrews Cathedral, a gorgeous Victorian/Gothic stone building with stain-glass windows and copper (green) spires. There was nothing really notable about it other than it was large and pretty and had a nice courtyard with huge flowering eucalyptus trees. I'm just going to go ahead and assume all of the trees here are some kind of eucalyptus. On the other side of the courtyard is City Hall, but that was under construction. Across the street was the Queen Victoria Shopping Center, or something to that effect, with a great statue of HRH looking totally like the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland, and a fountain statue of her pet dog. When you walked by the dog, he greeted you and requested you make a coin donation to his wishing fountain. The dog statue spoke English. I am not making this up.

Next to Victoria's shopping arcade were two little theaters with brilliant gold art-deco interiors. I took some pictures, then walked on to the Great Synagogue. It reminded me of Bnei Jeshrun in NY-- all stone, round petaled stain-glass, squished up against the buildings on either side of it. The Great Synagogue also had a pretty wrought iron fence around it, which seemed little superfluous.

I walked through Hyde Park, which is a truly charming park in the center of the city. It's about the size of two square blocks and has manicured lawns and a few garden areas. What makes this park really lovely are the stately fig trees lining the perimeter and foot paths. These fig trees are the kinds whose smooth trunks and branches twist and braid around each other. The branches grow really tall and long and provide a lush leafy canopy. In the center of the park there is a stunning fountain with bronze statues of Apollo and that other character slaying the Minotaur (I am the worst teacher) and let's pretend it was Athena sitting with a deer.

Off to St. Mary's Cathedral! A gorgeous Victorian/Gothic stone building with stained-glass windows and copper spires! Apparently they have the oldest continuing choir in Australia, but they weren't there today, boo. Next door was an old prison barracks converted into a museum, but it was closing and I nearly got locked inside.

A block away sits St. James' Church, which was my favorite worshiping spot. From the outside, it appeared to be another Victorian/Gothic stone building with stained-glass windows and copper spires, but inside it was small and personal. The ceiling was low, the walls were flat, there were no gargantuan pillars holding the roof up. The architect of St. James' apparently was a convict. The altar wall was made of hammered gold and it was awesome to look at. I guess I lingered too long in the pews because I was invited to take part in their prayer service.

As I was walking back to YHA, I passed the Great Synagogue again, but this time it was open for Kabbalat Shabbat. I took a peek inside and was a little disappointed at its Easter egg interior. Pretty, but not . . . religious?

At 5:30 I decided to call it a day. I'm going to try to make some phone calls, eat dinner, and then sleep like a log.

july 1 : arrival

I would be remiss if I didn't let you know about my plane outfit. Although it is July 1 in Los Angeles, it is the heart of winter on my 747 airbus. Thus, I am wearing a full sweatsuit combo (which I got form New LA lost and found, SCORE!) and a down jacket. I nearly died of heat stroke getting dressed in my apt.

I see a strange man with curly homeless hair, wearing black loafers with white socks. I wonder if he weren't famous, would Michael Jackson be stopped at security as a “person of interest?” Would he get through El Al security? Can you picture him removing his shoes (and bedazzled military jacket) in the x-ray line?

Right now I am the Central Sydney YHA, tired out of my MIND and I have about 4 hours to kill until my room is ready and I can take a nap. It's the combination of Dramamine, Benadryl, jet lag, and red-eye flight. It is a real chore to keep my eyes open. I'm also reclining on a very comfortable couch, which doesn't help my cause. I attempted to purchase a chai latte from the coffee vending machine, but it ate my coins. Perhaps I'll leave this building and find some real Australian caffeine.

HOLY SHIT

I have not checked the news in three days, owing to being in an airplane and then a splendidly interesting foreign country (more on that later), so you can imagine my surprise when I logged in tonight and discovered that SARAH PALIN RESIGNED!!!!!!

All I want to do now is sit in this cafe and read huffpo for an hour.

(But that would be lame, since my hostel has a sauna.)