Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?
What a genius show.
Genius in the sense that the TV execs no longer have to put out shows for stupid people that are masquerading as shows for "everybody." I'm really excited about this one.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
permanent roommate pms
My mother - effing roommate just got really mad at me for asking her once, several weeks ago, if she was still watching the television program that was on while she went to the bathroom. An innocent question, because I wanted to know if I could change the chanel or if she was really committed to the show. She is still offended that I would ask such a question, because behind my query was the unacceptable intent to possibly change the channel.
This evening I walked into the living room where she was working on her laptop and Law & Order was on. Was she working? Was she TVing? Was she both? I didn't know. So I politely asked if she was watching. She gave me a really rude, "yes," looked at me as if I had just asked if she was retarded, and rolled her eyes. I stated my case, that I was just asking because I wanted to watch American Idol, but if she was watching her show, then I would do something else. That's when she got all offended.
Please note that I ASKED her if she was watching. Which is the polite thing to do, right? I didn't actually touch the remote control.
This bitch has a serious stick shoved up her ass.
This evening I walked into the living room where she was working on her laptop and Law & Order was on. Was she working? Was she TVing? Was she both? I didn't know. So I politely asked if she was watching. She gave me a really rude, "yes," looked at me as if I had just asked if she was retarded, and rolled her eyes. I stated my case, that I was just asking because I wanted to watch American Idol, but if she was watching her show, then I would do something else. That's when she got all offended.
Please note that I ASKED her if she was watching. Which is the polite thing to do, right? I didn't actually touch the remote control.
This bitch has a serious stick shoved up her ass.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
morale booster
My good mood has carried over into the workweek, which is ... amazing. Today at recess I told my students I would eat lunch with them in the cafeteria, and they cheered. They CHEERED. Applause, shrieks of joy, and a chorus of "yays!" Like I was a celebrity. Like I was giving them candy.
During lunch, we spent twenty minutes discussing the best way to eat chicken nuggets.
It was awesome.
During lunch, we spent twenty minutes discussing the best way to eat chicken nuggets.
It was awesome.
Monday, February 19, 2007
happy
This weekend, for the first time in about four months, I've been really happy.
I had a boring yet satisfying Friday night watching TV on the couch, and then had a nice chat with friend Haley who just had her second baby boy. We decided I should join a gospel choir. The image of me, skinny little Jewish white girl, standing between large and glorious Black gospel women is what convinced us. I spent Saturday eating the contents of my refrigerator and then venturing out to In-N-Out for fries. Then later I had salad and PinkBerry with brother Benja and his friend. We had a nice, quiet walk through the 90048. At night I went to a party at some friends' apartment, and though I didn't exactly have a lot of fun, I did talk to a bunch of people including a funny fellow I would like to become better friends with. I felt fairly attractive and lively, like anything could happen, like THIS is me and THIS is my life and I will have fun if I want to. On Sunday I moaned and groaned about my thesis, and ended up not writing much, but even through all the suck, I could see that I rather liked my life. On Sunday night I had plans to see Breach with Ariel and KareBob (I am trying to induct her into the Jew Crew), but it was sold out, so instead we all hung out at Ronen's house. Which was extremely gratifying. We sat around, watched Glory, ate dinner at Toast, watched Surreal Life Fame Games, and talked. I remember one instance of me lying on the carpet giggling and refusing to be made fun of for some such thing, and another instance of us viewing porn and debating whether or not WWF Chynna has a penis. It was the best night I've had in a looooong time.
I had a boring yet satisfying Friday night watching TV on the couch, and then had a nice chat with friend Haley who just had her second baby boy. We decided I should join a gospel choir. The image of me, skinny little Jewish white girl, standing between large and glorious Black gospel women is what convinced us. I spent Saturday eating the contents of my refrigerator and then venturing out to In-N-Out for fries. Then later I had salad and PinkBerry with brother Benja and his friend. We had a nice, quiet walk through the 90048. At night I went to a party at some friends' apartment, and though I didn't exactly have a lot of fun, I did talk to a bunch of people including a funny fellow I would like to become better friends with. I felt fairly attractive and lively, like anything could happen, like THIS is me and THIS is my life and I will have fun if I want to. On Sunday I moaned and groaned about my thesis, and ended up not writing much, but even through all the suck, I could see that I rather liked my life. On Sunday night I had plans to see Breach with Ariel and KareBob (I am trying to induct her into the Jew Crew), but it was sold out, so instead we all hung out at Ronen's house. Which was extremely gratifying. We sat around, watched Glory, ate dinner at Toast, watched Surreal Life Fame Games, and talked. I remember one instance of me lying on the carpet giggling and refusing to be made fun of for some such thing, and another instance of us viewing porn and debating whether or not WWF Chynna has a penis. It was the best night I've had in a looooong time.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
my lazy little brother
My younger brother Aaron is a senior in high school, and he just brought home his very best report card ever. All As and Bs, and his work habits/behavior grades are a mix of Os (Outstanding) and Ss (Satisfactory) with only a single N (Needs Improvement) in Hebrew. Aaron claims this N is because all the other kids ask him for help in Hebrew and he always gets caught talking to them. He can't begin to understand (admit) that he is seated in the front of the class because he can't keep his mouth shut. This has been his line since third grade.
And then he was accepted into high school on probation, for his behavior.
I was reminded of the time that our whole family went out for ice cream in celebration of the fact that Aaron only got three Ns on his report card.
And then he was accepted into high school on probation, for his behavior.
I was reminded of the time that our whole family went out for ice cream in celebration of the fact that Aaron only got three Ns on his report card.
mantra
My new friend Ischia got me a refrigerator magnet for Valentine's Day and it's CHANGED MY LIFE. It's one of those totally corny quotes, the kind I used to roll my eyes at, but now it takes on a totally different meaning. I repeat it to myself several times a day. I woke up this weekend feeling very different, feeling more like me, feeling even a little bit of normalcy and happiness.
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. (Helen Keller)
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
junkie
Just a short list of the medications I have taken in the past five days:
Yes, I'm sick again, because you know, it's been a month. I'm due. My immune system has gone completely AWOL this year, and every four weeks I get a new illness. This weekend I combated a cold-turned-strep-throat-which-actually-turned-out-to-be-a-sinus-infection. I spent Friday suffering on my couch, Friday evening at the E.R., and Friday night being coddled by my parents. The verdict was strep, because of my 101.8 fever, but on Monday my throat culture came back negative. So just a really bad cold?
I woke up last night at three am in excruciating pain. The whole left side of my face was throbbing, from my jaw to my eye. My teeth were hurting so bad that in my half-sleep haze, I actually went into the bathroom and flossed. At three in the morning. Because I thought maybe a stray corn chip had lodged itself into my gums. Luckily, I have co-workers who aren't as moronic, and they quickly diagnosed the sinus infection.
Unfortunately for me, when I take a lot of meds I get a lot of side effects. My whole digestive everything gets fucked up when I'm on antibiotics, making it just as uncomfortable as before I started taking them. I'm allergic to codeine, so I can't sleep this pain off. I haven't eaten much since Friday, mostly because I couldn't breathe all weekend, and now that I'm STARVING, I can't chew. So if you are one of my friends, just know that I'll be complaining for another two weeks.
- Flonaise
- Ibuprofen
- Tums
- Tylenol, Extra Strength
- Sudafed
- Chloroseptic Throat Spray
- Robitussin
- Penicillin
- Ocean Nasal Spray
- Ricola
- Acidopholus
- Ammoxicillin
- Naproxen
- Monostat
Yes, I'm sick again, because you know, it's been a month. I'm due. My immune system has gone completely AWOL this year, and every four weeks I get a new illness. This weekend I combated a cold-turned-strep-throat-which-actually-turned-out-to-be-a-sinus-infection. I spent Friday suffering on my couch, Friday evening at the E.R., and Friday night being coddled by my parents. The verdict was strep, because of my 101.8 fever, but on Monday my throat culture came back negative. So just a really bad cold?
I woke up last night at three am in excruciating pain. The whole left side of my face was throbbing, from my jaw to my eye. My teeth were hurting so bad that in my half-sleep haze, I actually went into the bathroom and flossed. At three in the morning. Because I thought maybe a stray corn chip had lodged itself into my gums. Luckily, I have co-workers who aren't as moronic, and they quickly diagnosed the sinus infection.
Unfortunately for me, when I take a lot of meds I get a lot of side effects. My whole digestive everything gets fucked up when I'm on antibiotics, making it just as uncomfortable as before I started taking them. I'm allergic to codeine, so I can't sleep this pain off. I haven't eaten much since Friday, mostly because I couldn't breathe all weekend, and now that I'm STARVING, I can't chew. So if you are one of my friends, just know that I'll be complaining for another two weeks.
Monday, February 05, 2007
tabula rasa for like sixteen seconds
At first, I confiscated this picture from my student because I thought it was a lion attempting sexual congress with a naked woman, but upon closer observation among colleagues in the lunchroom, I realized it was just trying to bite her (or his) head off. So I gave it back, because that is totally appropriate for third grade.
(No, I took it home and taped it my refrigerator, next to the "you're out of the club, bitch" note from earlier this year.)
(No, I took it home and taped it my refrigerator, next to the "you're out of the club, bitch" note from earlier this year.)
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