can't complain

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

I know you are not in the greatest place right now but I just wanted to let you know what a great summer I am having. While you have been in and out and in rehab, I've been to Europe, Brentwood, and Culver City. I moved out of my usedtobefantasticbutisnowsadanddirty apartment and into a one-bedroom which is all my own. (Quite larger than the jail cell you could be headed to.) I've spent a lot of time hanging out with friends, talking on the phone, and having fantastic sex. Those who know about it respectfully keep their mouths shut around the press. While your hair has been looking very bleached out and skanky, mine has been having a stellar season. Like you, I have been caught in a compromising sans panties situation, but lucky for me, I don't have paparazzi stalkers.

Let's talk about my summer highlights: Jury duty, house sitting, Malibu and Pepperdine visits, planning with Naomi, visiting Haley, playing with my cousins, staying up and sleeping in, pooling with Nicole, pretending to do Wicked rush tickets with Karen, making two choirs, and a successful second date. Let's talk about your summer highlights: DUI, rehab, boyfriend orders prostitutes, turning twenty one, car chase, more rehab, dropped from all your movies. I win.

I'm not trying to be vindictive, Linds. This is just my way of saying, "Chin up!" The sun will come out tomorrow! I had a super shitty year and was completely miserable for months, but then things turned around and now I'm back to my happy, go-lucky self. Maybe you'll be lucky too, and your coke addiction AND self-righteous attitude will be cured.


love,
Deens