finally in Peru!

FINALLY IN PERU!!!!

At the airport, while in line for customs, the bloke in front of my turned around and started talking to me about travelling in Peru. His name was Kim, and he was from Australia, tooling around South America for who-knows-how-long. (I don´t know how long because he didn´t know how long.) I guess I am as white as they come, and therefor clearly a tourist, "safe" for another gringo to talk to. We ended up sharing a cab to the hostel in Miraflores, but not before we were followed around the entire parking lot and back up to the second floor of the airport by Juan, a guide slash taxi driver slash tour tout slash most annoying person ever. I was trying to find the Aeromexico Airlines office, in order to switch my plane ticket, and Kim said that he would come with me. Kim made the STUPID ERROR of talking to said annoyance Juan instead of saying NO really loudly and then ignoring him while striding forward at a brisk pace. Juan kept trying to lead us around and give us advice, but I am really wary of foreign people approaching me trying to help. I have found that ninety three percent of the time they just want to take you to their buddy´s restuarant or their sister´s cloth store. I like figuring things out for myself, taking a long time to think about how to procede, so that I don´t get ripped off.

Aeromexico office was closed, and that is when Kim made SECOND STUPID ERROR by letting Juan take us in his "taxi" to our hostel. We were going to the neighborhood of Miraflores, to a hostel near a plaza called Plaza Bolognesi. We agreed upon a price to Miraflores with Juan. Halfway there he asks for the address, and I tell him it is norte de Plaza Bolognesi. He takes us to a Plaza Bolognesi and asks to have the address. Hostel doesn´t exist. I show Juan the map, and he gets all huffy and mad at me because my hostel is on the Plaza in MIRAFLORES, while he has taken us to the Plaze in CENTRAL LIMA. CLEARLY IT IS ALL MY FAULT.

Juan demands twice the price plus airport tax to take us to Miraflores, despite the price we had agreed on at the airport. Kim the useless turd does nothing. I get really mad at Juan but my Spanish sucks at this point and he is the one at the wheel, so I am rather at his mercy. Juan drives us to the correct hostel and helps unload our bags. We pay his exorbitant fee. And then Juan has the balls to stand there with a faux worried expression, head shaking, hands outstretched, asking, TEEP? NO TEEP?

NO TIP, JUAN. SUCK IT.

Ripped off my first night here. Awesome!