transition

For some reason, the transition back to Real Life has been really hard. I know, for starters, that having a guaranteed person to hear my every thought any hour of the day, and then having that person taken away, that is the hardest thing. And on top of that, that I also got to sleep and cuddle with him, and now go to bed alone. And I guess the biggest thing is that my life is in transition right now. School doesn't begin until Monday, and just like all summer, I don't have much to do. While Abbey is at her ortho job, and Miriam is going nuts at school, and Tova is studying, and Sierra is in the valley with the bf, and The Jew Crew are all at work, I'm still at home watching DVDs and cooking and eating and a tiny bit tutoring and cleaning and otherwise trying to occupy my mind so I don't get sad about my adventure being over.

I look forward to Monday with anxiety and excitement. I'm really nervous about meeting new people, or not being able to meet new people, or meeting the wrong new people. Talking to Courtney aka Mrs Orientation helped, especially when she pointed out Oooh! Games! And Jayita and the rest of the girls assured me that I am friendly and likable and of course will have no trouble meeting new people. It's just hard, though.

The things that keep making me sad I can't figure out. I just emptied my pack, and was zipping it up and putting all the straps away, but tearing off the airline tag was like tugging at my heart. But I had this URGE to take the tags off. Like if I didn't, the next time I took out my pack and saw the tags, I would remember the loneliness once the trip ended. The same way I had to put my pack away, out of sight. That was really hard, because it was like I was putting my trip away, putting away the adventure and companion feeling. At the same time, I couldn't hide it fast enough, because each time I see it on my floor I get sad that I'm not traveling with Wade anymore. And then I was looking at my cell phone bill from August/September, how it ends at August thirty first, even though my billing period extends a week past that, and for some reason, seeing that abrupt end didn't feel good. I'm caught in between nostalgia and moving on. I'm frozen with anxiety.

I need to find myself a best friend. One who won't suddenly find a new girlfriend, or abruptly stop returning my phone calls forever, or one who won't move away. Someone who wants to hear my every thought -- because that's what I do, I'm incapable of keeping things to myself -- and who has stuff to say as well. Someone to make me laugh, and someone to go on spur-of-the-moment crusades with. Someone positive, someone with a free spirit. It would be a plus if I also got to cuddle and kiss this best friend, or if he looked like Orlando Bloom, but a best girlfriend would be wholly welcome, too. Even more welcome if she came with great clothes and TiVo.