the shirt story

The other day I came home to find sublet roommate Alyssa walking around the apartment. She was wearing this cute grape-purple cap-sleeved shirt, tight, and it looked exactly like one I have. I immediately chirped, "Oh! I totally have the same shirt!" She was all, "Really?" I responded, "Yeah, that's so weird. Mine is from Forever 21." (btw, Forever 21 is my favorite store ever.) Alyssa responded quickly, "Oh, that's so weird. This is from Abercrombie. I didn't think they would sell the same thing." So then I went to my closet to find the purple shirt and show it to her.

It wasn't in my closet. The folded-up clothes part. So I checked the hall closet, where all my hanger-clothes are. It wasn't there, either. Then I searched through the clothes pile on my desk chair and on the papason. Not there either. It wasn't on the floor, and actually, I realized that I hadn't worn it in a while. And, on a side note, Alyssa is a much bigger girl than I am, and the shirt she was wearing was TIGHT.

Hmmmm. The wheels in my head started turning. I faked a nonchalant voice and said that I couldn't find it, oh well, maybe it was dirty.

That night Alyssa went out to a bar in a different outfit. I peeked into her room and saw the Shirt lying folded on the bed. I checked the tag and SURE ENOUGH it sported a pink XXI. This was TOTALLY my shirt. Only, what to do?

I thought at first I would wait and see what Alyssa did. I outlined several possibilities.

• If she thought that I believed her, that I really thought my shirt was dirty and the shirt on the bed was her shirt, maybe she would try to sneak the shirt back to my closet or my chair or my hamper without mentioning it, to save face or something. Then I would have my shirt back and I wouldn't have to say anything. This was the ideal course of events.
• If she decided to play innocent, that it was on Abbey's shelf and she thought it was hers because she has the same one but she realized that it's mine, so here, sorry. (For a day I thought that maybe I had lent the shirt to Abbey and it was left on Abbey's shelf in the closet and Alyssa took it off the shelf either thinking it was hers or thinking no one would notice if she wore Abbey's clothing. I called Abbey, who had no recolection of ever borrowing the Shirt.)
  
• If she decided to fess up and just return the shirt.

Well, I waited two days and none of these options played out. What actually happened I still can't believe. I came home late one night as Alyssa was talking on her cell in the driveway. As I got out of the car and started towards our walkway, I caught a glimpse of her just as she turned away and ran to our apt. SHE WAS TOTALLY WEARING THE SHIRT. And....was this my imagination, or was she...running...away from me?

When I walking into the apt, Alyssa was standing in the living room, breathless, babbling about seeing me but then not knowing it was me and giving directions to someone and trying to find a parking place, blah blah. I had to admit to myself that she wasn't running away from me, because why would she wait in the living room? (But then later I convinced myself that she was, in fact, running away from me but was just a really bad hider.) I didn't mention the shirt. She went out. BITCH. I so totally don't care about people borrowing my clothes, even if they don't ask me first. But taking a shirt off my shelf and lying about it? AND THEN WEARING IT AGAIN!?!?!?! The sad, sad, realization struck me that maybe Alyssa did not intend to return the Shirt.

The next day while she was at work I stole into her room (pun intended), picked the Shirt up off the floor, and shoved it into the bottom of my hamper. Aint' nobody stealing my clothes.