did you know they took inappropriate out of the dictionary?

Two brilliant conversations that took place between my mother and two younger brothers this past Saturday, after my LOVELY BOYFRIEND came over for Shabbat dinner:

The first was an unecessarily long debate about whether Jerm is Persian or not. Aaron obviously had an arsenal of reasons why he thought so: Jerm has dark skin. Mind you, my brother Aaron is so dark in his coloring as to look adopted. He has naturally tan skin, black hair, and zero freckles. He lacks common sense. My mother explained that no, his mother simply has dark skin as well. So he's not Persian. But actually, he looks like Aladdin. Aladdin the cartoon character. Benja agreed.


Conversation number two I can only relate as dialogue. Here I am, phoning up my mother:
ME: Hi, hi. How are you?
MOM: Fine, I'm here with the boys . . . [pause] . . . actually, maybe you can settle something for us.
ME: Sure, what?
MOM: Is it OK to wear two condoms at once?
[awkward pause]
ME: No. The friction between them might cause it to break.
MOM: Right. OK, here, tell your brother. [shuffling in the background]
AARON: Hello.
ME: Seriously?!
AARON: So what do you think?
ME: Aaron, you can't wear two condoms at once! That's the first thing you learn!!! They rub against each other!!!
AARON: But no! I don't think there would be that much friction, against the two condoms anyway, and think of it this way: it's just like wearing a thicker condom.
ME: No! Oh, Aaron, please, you can't do that.
AARON: I didn't do it, I've never done that, I'm just saying, wearing two condoms at once makes it better protected.
[random chopping noises, shuffling]
MOM: Ok, he doesn't believe you.
ME: Why not?
MOM: Well, we were having a debate, and Benja said you can't, and Aaron said you can, and we were going to pick you as a reference, but then they decided that you weren't enough of an authority. So Aaron is going to write an email to Trojan for the real answer.
ME: Why don't you just read the package?
MOM: This is what we decided, that he's going to email Trojan. Let him write an email. Then he'll believe them.
ME: I'm going to finish my walk.
MOM: Bye!