ill pt four

Today I ate vegetables for the first time in four days. Not a lot, mind you, maybe a sum total of seven peas and half a carrot, but they were colored and chewy and had !!! taste !!! I also had another bowl of chicken soup and another snack pack of jello and another gallon or so of peppermint tea. In case you were curious.

I think it's safe to say that this mystery illness is on its way out. Good riddance! Tomorrow's field trip will be a huge test of my strength. I'm praying that it goes well not only for my mental sanity but also as a predictor of Thanksgiving dinner. If I can hold strong for five hours with kids, then I will be at least able to TASTE all the deliciousness of Thursday night, which means I will be able to eat the leftovers for reals all weekend. (I have to admit, sadly, that I will probably still be eating pureed or see-through food until Friday.)

I gave myself vacation from thinking about school for the past five days, and though being sick prevented me from getting a lot of personal errands accomplished, it did force me to think about my life. Making my map last night was such a cathartic experience. I live for pointless, time-consuming shit like that. It made me feel smart, and original, and goofy, and innovative, and goal-oriented. As useless as the product is, once I created it, I really and truly felt a sense of accomplishment. I imagined a task, I worked on it, and I achieved the goal.

I'm kind of talking in circles here, but what I mean is that I got back to ME this weekend. I looked at these two things in my life that have seemed huge and insurmountable and too scary to deal with, and they didn't look so impossible. It's the same sort of perspective I usually get from a good night's sleep. It's like I've been having PMS for the past eleven weeks and finally, finally, the hormones have calmed down.

Which is not to say that they won't act up again next week. But. BUT! Fifteen instructional days until Xmas!