algebraic!

Sadly, I've already got myself a couch. But I kind of want a date. From Craigslist:

THIS IS THE COUCH THE PROPHECIES FORETOLD - $60

Oh jesus christ this couch is too much.

Imagine a more innocent time. A time where irony was hip and new. You could buy outlandish furniture and not bat an eye, because everyone around you assured you it would be hilarious. Imagine you've just purchased a large leather burgundy couch. It arrives at your house and its glorious. Truly a sight to behold. You eagerly call your friends to help you move it inside, and when they arrive you begin your task.

and then your couch doesn't fit through your door. your retarded friends scratch up the sides of your door, and your new leather couch. it is wedged so thoroughly that a layman's eyes would be unable to tell where couch ended and doorway began. Your trust in your friends shattered, and your innocence all but lost, you succumb to a depression so deep, medical science has yet to find a cure.

large. leather. burgundy. straight from bad 80's porn that you stole from your dad when you were 11. how much would you pay for the abomination? 900 dollars? your first born? your virginity? NAY.

for the low low price of 60$ this monstrosity can be yours.

"But whats the catch, James?" you say to yourself, hoping the people around you won't think you've got the crazies. I in no feasible way, will help you move this couch. I am defeated. I've moved it like 3 times, as I myself have moved, and never again am I even going to look at it. We're done, couch. Its not you, its me. Honest.

No really. You're gonna have to pick it up. Tie it down, all that. Cause seriously. If I'm not capable of getting in my own house, what makes you think I want anything to do with getting it into yours? HUH? HUH?

60 bucks for a ugl- uh, SWEET leather couch thats been sitting in a garage for 5 years. Thats a better deal than that time I paid my sister to show me her privates.

OH GOD WHY AM I SO AWKWARD I can be reached (and i used that phrase very liberally) at *** ask for James. Or if you're a hot lady, ask for mmmm. yeahhh, Jaaaames Or more realistically, leave a message.