therapy practice

What if we were having sex for several months and I never said what I liked or didn't like? What if I never talked about sex at all? What if, when you asked me what I like, I protested and complained and refused to tell you?

Do you think about me when I'm not with you? I can't tell. I have no idea. I send you text messages, emails, but I rarely, if ever, get a reply. Do you get them? Do you ever look at what I've sent you? Do you get them and go on to the next message and forget about mine? Do you think about what I wrote you? Do you delete them? I don't buy that it's that you don't like email or you don't "do" texting, because if that was really the case, you could pick up the phone and call me about what I wrote. Or bring it up later, when we're together. It's frustrating because it often makes me feel like I'm in this relationship by myself. Like a conversation with a wall.

We don't have long, drawn out phone conversations in which we rehash every detail of our day. That's fine, maybe we're not great on the phone. Or maybe you DO want that and I have no idea. I feel like I want and need to talk to you every day, to check in. To see what you're doing. I don't want you to feel obligated to call me every day, I want you to WANT to call me. Like you've actually been curious about what I've been doing or thinking or feeling. When I don't hear from you in a long while (over a day), it becomes evident that you don't feel like you need to connect with me very often.

That's when I get anxious -- when I realize that you don't need me the same way I need you. Or you don't want me the same way I want you. I want to be a team, an "us," a best friend.

It feels like we live very separate lives, and maybe that is healthy to some extent but I feel like we are not in it together enough. It bothers me that I often have no idea what you've done over the weekend or what you have planned for the next week. It bothers me that you don't talk about the future and we don't make plans for more than a few days in advance. Maybe some of it is me, that I haven't done some of these things either, but if so then it's because I worry you won't do the same in return.