Tuesday, November 29, 2005

wanna ride bikes?

"Skeptics say the switch to ADHDTV will likely be delayed in favor of other projects or even completely forgotten by next week. However, the FDA is fast-tracking approval of the new drug Entertainalin, developed in anticipation of the modified programming. In clinical trials, the drug has been effective in helping viewers concentrate not only on the new TV format, but also on their immediate surroundings, the couch fabric, a dog passing by the window, and pieces of lint floating in the air."
from here.

Monday, November 28, 2005

thanksgiving quotes

"I know all about STDs. Don't mess with me."


"Where's Abbey?"
"At the Laundromat."
"Still?"
"She probably picked up a guy."


"I think I want to have a dairy wedding."


"Well, now I have to sit at home NOT wearing my most fabulous new sleeveless shirt to Babylon."


"That's the same stunning ensemble you wore yesterday."


"Have you written your internet boyfriend?"
"No."
"No?!! Why not?!"
"I've been busy."
"I guess your real life has gotten in the way of your fake life."

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Los Angeles

She lives by the sea, in the south, in the west,
climbing up from the ocean,
and into the desert,
over miles and miles of space,
she melts into her neighbors.

Her skin is a rough patchwork of cement and asphalt,
stretched taught in the center and sprawled loosely around the sides,
swimming pools of blue eyes,
freckles of blacktop,
an unhealthy pallor of black and grey.

Her hair is a tangled mass of freeways and interchanges,
swerving and curling and interlacing,
connecting cities to cities,
people to people,
cars to more freeways.

She speaks many tongues, hears many voices,
rolling her Rs, lilting her voice,
hissssing and roarrrring,
asking and calling,
a sing-song of sounds.

And who are her lovers? Her faithful beaus?
They are brown, and white, and yellow, and black,
they are all colors of the earth,
they reach up to her shoulders and crawl down to her feet,
they worship her on movie screens and magazines.

She is the city of angels,
born of a small pueblo,
raised by the sun,
fed by eager immigrants,
Lalaland, el norte,
creator of dreams.

wait till they see my closet!

Compliment of the week:

"Your handwriting looks like a serial killer's."

Sunday, November 20, 2005

the lapdance

"I'm ready for my lapdance now."

"Right here?"

"Right here."

"In the middle of the bar?"

"No, come over to the wall and sit."

"I'm not really sure how to do a lapdance."

"Well first you sort of twist your body around from side to side."

"Like this?"

"Slower...yeah."

"Ok, now what?"

"Now you move forward and back in a kind of tease."

"Ha! Now what?"

"Now it's up to the individual lapdancer what they want to do next."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's up to you now. You can do anything you want."

"Anything?"

"Anything."

"Can I do this?"


...And then they kiss.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

now you see it...

THIS is the coolest shit ever, and is guarenteed to take your mind off studying for at least three minutes.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Harry Potter Ramirez

shout out to social justice and educational reforms...


- - - -

Harry Potter and the Obvious Shortcomings of the No Child Left Behind Act

Harry Potter and the Back-Alley Abortion

Harry Potter and Some Seriously Bad Acid

Harry Potter and the TB Pandemic

Harry Potter and the Impending Race War

Saturday, November 12, 2005

look! My baby is all grown up and has great legs!

can't read men

I guess today we made a little headway in the Marriage in 2006 campaign. I went to his house at seven, we watched The Office Special, then talked on his couch until eleven-fifteen. We talked about random stuff, and then we had the relationship talk, the one where you recount your past few relationships/nonrelationships and why they didn't work out. So there was that. And he's coming over on Sunday to watch Wet Hot American Summer. And really, I just want to bang him. Repeatedly.

Again, though, I CANNOT tell if he's sending "just friends" vibes or "possibly more than just friends" vibes or "take me now" vibes. I have lost my ability to read men. It is awful.


Sasha has a valid point when she writes, "Do you think this is a situation where the other person is just hoping the other person will make a move because both of you are too nervous or worried the other one isn't feeling the same way??"

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

more than friends

Is there a good way to tell your friend that you want to be more than friends?

excess baggage

I got myself two birthday presents this year:

ONE: A puffy pink-and-brown vest with a furry hood.

TWO: I erased Ex-Friend's name from my cell phone and email list. This was the harder and more precious gift.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

happy birthday to me, me, & me

The big two-four was on Friday, but obviously the birthday celebration lasts the whole week.

Last Wednesday was birthday-in-class, for which Sasha made a delicious white cake with lemon frosting FROM SCRATCH and everyone got to sing.

Friday night was Shabbat Club birthday dinner. What a success!!! We had eleven people: me, Abbey, Miriam, Naomi #1, Naomi #2, Ezra, BJ, Amanda, Ben, Dana, and Rebecca. The dishes included: hummus/Turkish salad/vedgie chopped liver (Israeli), Bartenura Moscato (Israeli, and of which I drank three glasses that shit is so good), make-your-own eggrolls (Vietnamese), challah (Jewish), stewed vegies (Moroccan), Arroz de la Cubana (Peruvian/Cuban), peanut noodles (Thai), and various desserts including a three layer chocolate coffee cake with cream cheese frosting baked by none other than the Daughter of the Caterer (Abbey). After dinner we played Poor Man's Taboo, which is where the participants create their own Taboo cards and there are no forbidden words. The only rule is that your word/phrase has to conceivably have an entry in Wikipedia. Highlights included: Erotic Playing Cards; Aish; fava beans ("the thing you eat with brains that makes you fart"); Dance 360; Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret; Intelligent Design; strategery; Slap Bracelets; low-fat cottage cheese; and Best Week Ever. Quote of the night: "I don't know who this girl is, but her first name is like the girl from Saved-by-the-Bell and her last name is a color." Answer: kelly green.

Saturday night was all about the liquor and skank at Carbon. The kids from school came, as well as my Camp crew and the roommies, and of course, Sierra. Ardina and Cathy got me to drink A LOT. After BJ's Appletini, I had a Lemon Drop shot and then Jerm's Cosmo and then another Lemon Drop. They wanted to do body shots, but the bar didn't have sugar dispensers, so we just smeared the sugar from our shot glass rims on our chests and licked away. Chris the Wasp was simply adorable and I definitely have the biggest crush on him, like the kind of crush you get on your professors and know that nothing will come of it but think about them all the time in random situations like what they dressed up as on Halloween. Also Judd was adorable as he bounced around dancing in his own little world. Jerm was obviously adorable but WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AND HOW COME I HAVE NO IDEA?!?!?!? The perfect night came to a head when one of those low tables got knocked over and some glasses broke and a piece of glass cut my friend Ana's foot and she was bleeding all over the place and they called an ambulance and took her to the emergency room and she had to get stitches! She's ok now, but on crutches. I guess at least she will always remember by birthday. ("That bitch, she's the reason I can't walk.")

Sunday morning (noon) was Family Birthday lunch (breakfast) at Natalie Thai. My family only goes to two restaurants for celebrations: CPK or Thai. I either get BBQ Chopped Chicked Salad With No Chicken Extra BBQ Sauce or Pad Thai. The brothers get BBQ Salad and Sun-Dried Tomato Fusilli or Pad Thai. Today Aaron was a bit daring and got Pad Seeyu. Daddy also walked on the edge by ordering Thai iced coffee instead of the usual iced tea. We discussed our upcoming non-Thanksgiving pre-Thanksgiving dinner on the seventeenth. My mom is going to be in Providence with her sisters for the holiday, so we are celebrating the week before with a big dinner and Will & Grace DVDs. We sorted out jobs today at lunch: Daddy cooks the bird, Mummy makes salad, Benja does decor (sets the table), I will make an apple crisp, and Aaron...shows up. With girlfriend Rachel. Highlight of Family Birthday was when a noodle went up my nose and the discomfort compounded by the allergies threatened my sanity for near twenty minutes. On the other hand, Family Birthday Gift might be a digi cam!!!!!!

This upcoming Wednesday will be birthday party number four when the Jew Crew gets together for Lost and apple pie a la mode...

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

AAAAAAAAGH

THERE IS A FUCKING TAKE-OUT CONTAINER LINED IN OILY RICE LAYING OPEN ON THE COUNTER, AND A PAN OF COOKED SQUASH SITTING OUT ON THE STOVE. DO WE NOT HAVE FUCKING ANTS!?!?!?

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY ROOMMATES!?!?!?!?!?