My parents were both in graduate school getting their PhDs until I turned five. My father became the principal of my elementary school when I entered kindergarten. My mother started teaching at a nearby university soon after. She worked 3/4 time and was home early enough to pick up me and my two younger brothers from school and day care twice a week. The other days we stayed until six -- that's when my dad left work.
I'm pretty sure that my parents didn't HAVE to work to make ends meet, but they wanted us to live comfortably. There was private school education, summer camp, plane trips to visit family, etc. I'm also certain that my mother didn't want to stay at home with us every day. She was with us in the evening, on weekends, and in the summer. She liked her job (still does), and the satisfaction of fulfilling her profesional goals made her happy when she was with us. I think she is lucky she found a career that she enjoys.
I never felt neglected or lonely because both of my parents worked. I loved hearing stories about my mother's students and coworkers. I loved going to campus and playing in her office or the bookstore when I had vacation. I hope that when I have kids, I can give the same kind of energy to both my job and my family.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Thursday, February 23, 2006
hope
things I am looking forward to in the next few weeks/months:
- Student teaching an upper and more stimulating grade
- New carpool = new conversation = new company = new ideas = ideas at all
- Less tutoring of the BM kids
- Hair cut
- Social studies methods
- No Olympics or awards shows that I have to miss because I go to bed at nine pm
- Nicole subletting ALL SUMMER
- The end of horrible, horrible Language class and Science class
- Painting my room
- Painting the living room, dining room, J's whole apartment, and possibly canvas
scary
You know when you are stressing over something in your life, and you think about it so much that it becomes an overwhelming feeling, like you can't possibly begin to function normally if you don't discuss or resolve or decide or do, and it's just not happening, but then a moment of clarity washes over you and you realize you need to chill the fuck out because IT'S LIFE and you are HAVING FUN and why are you spending time worrying about what may or may not happen way in the future if your right now is all good? Chillax and smile, man, smile.
At least, I hope that feeling will come soon.
I hate feeling this vulnerable.
At least, I hope that feeling will come soon.
I hate feeling this vulnerable.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Monday, February 20, 2006
love
I read once that the ancient
Egyptians had fifty words for sand
& the Eskimos had
a hundred words for snow.
I wish I had a thousand words
for love,
but all that comes to mind
is the way you move against me
while you sleep
& there are no words
for that.
From Storypeople
Egyptians had fifty words for sand
& the Eskimos had
a hundred words for snow.
I wish I had a thousand words
for love,
but all that comes to mind
is the way you move against me
while you sleep
& there are no words
for that.
From Storypeople
break up letter
This is the Dear John email that the aforementioned asshole sent to me several years ago. I added in italics what he really meant to say. Then I sent to all of his friends. In addition to being extremely therapeudic, I think it is a real masterpiece. (Some credits to my mother.) I'm posting it here not because I still care about him (I don't), but because I want to inspire other girls to take their creative talents and shove them up some asshole's crack.
---------------------------------
Dear *,
Well first I must send you an apology because I am too chicken to talk to you over the phone. I am terribly sorry that I have not sent you an email in a while (6 weeks, actually) and offer only the sorry excuses of intense midterms and being ill. Also I was hooking up with Deanna secretly. It took a whole lot of effort to keep that under wraps, and left no energy to write or call you. I wanted to let you know I feel bad about that.
I am really looking forward to seeing you. It has been more than half a year and quite frankly too long. Without your influence, I have really regressed. That might have been hard to express on the phone because I too was "anxious" about your visit. "Feeling guilty" might be a better way to describe it. The next part of this email may be a surprise, I hope it doesn't hurt you, but I have to let you know where I am at right now because I haven't been honest with you up to this point.
When you come back this week, I can not be with you in the way we left each other in July. I hope that we can spend time together and catch up, but I can not be that person to you anymore. I am a totally new person now, devoid of sensitivity. I know this might sound as a surprise because I never let on during the four weeks you were in Thailand, on the phone when you came back, or the 10 days in between your email to me and this reply, but the reason is, I am seeing someone and that actually is a surprise to everyone. I, of course, am not surprised by this development. I have known about it for some time. Deanna and I have decided that we wanted to be a couple only a few days ago. This relationship was something that happened gradually over time, while I was writing you love letters, as we spent more and more time together and I really grew to love the person that I came to know. You probably don't want to hear about how much I like her but I am going to tell you anyways.
This came unexpectedly and unconventionally (big words make me sound smarter), but it has become in a very important part of my life. I wish I could have had the balls to have given you more of a heads up on this, we both decided over the weekend that a relationship is indeed what we wanted, making feelings that had been hidden for so long public, only making an announcement about it to people in the middle of this week. By "people" I mean my residents. I didn't tell you until a week after them, and come to think about it, I haven't told some of my other "friends" at UCSD. As coworkers and partners making this public was a big deal. Because everyone else thought that I was totally in love with you.
Don't think for a moment that I don't still care for you, I hope that we can continue to be good friends, you know, the type that doesn't expect too much from each other, that we can enjoy our many mutual friendships which might slide in your favor after this crummy move I am pulling, that we can disrespect the changes in our lives and that you aren't mad at me for keeping something like this from you the way that I had to because I lacked the integrity to treat you with respect.
-"New" Nick
---------------------------------
Dear *,
Well first I must send you an apology because I am too chicken to talk to you over the phone. I am terribly sorry that I have not sent you an email in a while (6 weeks, actually) and offer only the sorry excuses of intense midterms and being ill. Also I was hooking up with Deanna secretly. It took a whole lot of effort to keep that under wraps, and left no energy to write or call you. I wanted to let you know I feel bad about that.
I am really looking forward to seeing you. It has been more than half a year and quite frankly too long. Without your influence, I have really regressed. That might have been hard to express on the phone because I too was "anxious" about your visit. "Feeling guilty" might be a better way to describe it. The next part of this email may be a surprise, I hope it doesn't hurt you, but I have to let you know where I am at right now because I haven't been honest with you up to this point.
When you come back this week, I can not be with you in the way we left each other in July. I hope that we can spend time together and catch up, but I can not be that person to you anymore. I am a totally new person now, devoid of sensitivity. I know this might sound as a surprise because I never let on during the four weeks you were in Thailand, on the phone when you came back, or the 10 days in between your email to me and this reply, but the reason is, I am seeing someone and that actually is a surprise to everyone. I, of course, am not surprised by this development. I have known about it for some time. Deanna and I have decided that we wanted to be a couple only a few days ago. This relationship was something that happened gradually over time, while I was writing you love letters, as we spent more and more time together and I really grew to love the person that I came to know. You probably don't want to hear about how much I like her but I am going to tell you anyways.
This came unexpectedly and unconventionally (big words make me sound smarter), but it has become in a very important part of my life. I wish I could have had the balls to have given you more of a heads up on this, we both decided over the weekend that a relationship is indeed what we wanted, making feelings that had been hidden for so long public, only making an announcement about it to people in the middle of this week. By "people" I mean my residents. I didn't tell you until a week after them, and come to think about it, I haven't told some of my other "friends" at UCSD. As coworkers and partners making this public was a big deal. Because everyone else thought that I was totally in love with you.
Don't think for a moment that I don't still care for you, I hope that we can continue to be good friends, you know, the type that doesn't expect too much from each other, that we can enjoy our many mutual friendships which might slide in your favor after this crummy move I am pulling, that we can disrespect the changes in our lives and that you aren't mad at me for keeping something like this from you the way that I had to because I lacked the integrity to treat you with respect.
-"New" Nick
Thursday, February 16, 2006
I don't know how to quit you, Johnny Weir
You're a fake tanner? Any tips?
"The mystic tan. I was doing the cocktail for a little while. I was doing mystic tan and then running into the tanning bed as well. I'm not really that far into my tanning training yet this year. Tips? Make sure you wear the hairnet. And make sure you don't shower for two and a half hours, not three. 'Cause three, for some reason, it sticks a little harder. But I've been doing the lay-down tanning bed, and where my butt cheeks push together there's a white triangle because it never gets tan."
How can you not love this guy?
Monday, February 13, 2006
Sunday, February 12, 2006
meet the fockers
Saturday we went to his house for his sister's anniversary party. There were a million family members, in-laws, god-parents, family friends, pastries, and neighbors. Way, way overwhelming. Way.
But really, really nice. I made friends with neice and reigning Cutest-Kid-Ever Arielle, which was a personal and highly satisfying goal. We bonded over her strobic ring and my sequin shoes. I talked with Steph who is the sister of my old USY advisor Erica, WHO I LOVE. I talked with honored sister about whoknowswhat and dad about Queer As Folk actors and mom about her delicious pastries and notorious TIOH personalities. Brother wasn't there because he broke his nose in two places at a roudy synogogue baseball game last week.
I met several aunts and grandparents and brother-in-law-in-laws, and I came away with this feeling of it must be really nice to have so much family nearby. Neither my mother's nor my father's families live on this coast (or country), and I was always a little jealous of those friends who grew up with their relatives. Sure, there is putting up with crazy Aunt Marylin who never stops talking, but there is also recognition and fraternity among cousins.
I had a long talk with Jodi in which I divulged how happy I am right now, and then we sat on the stairs and watched the boy greet his relatives. I'm very aware that he knows about this page and checks it periodically, and I'm trying not to edit, but dang it's hard when you want to spill everything but know it's for the best to keep some inside. It's a daily back-and-forth about what constitutes GOOD PACING. If I've learned anything in the past three months it's that I can't rush things.
Oh, and let me not forget the zamboni action that took place this weekend at the Orange apt. It rules.
But really, really nice. I made friends with neice and reigning Cutest-Kid-Ever Arielle, which was a personal and highly satisfying goal. We bonded over her strobic ring and my sequin shoes. I talked with Steph who is the sister of my old USY advisor Erica, WHO I LOVE. I talked with honored sister about whoknowswhat and dad about Queer As Folk actors and mom about her delicious pastries and notorious TIOH personalities. Brother wasn't there because he broke his nose in two places at a roudy synogogue baseball game last week.
I met several aunts and grandparents and brother-in-law-in-laws, and I came away with this feeling of it must be really nice to have so much family nearby. Neither my mother's nor my father's families live on this coast (or country), and I was always a little jealous of those friends who grew up with their relatives. Sure, there is putting up with crazy Aunt Marylin who never stops talking, but there is also recognition and fraternity among cousins.
I had a long talk with Jodi in which I divulged how happy I am right now, and then we sat on the stairs and watched the boy greet his relatives. I'm very aware that he knows about this page and checks it periodically, and I'm trying not to edit, but dang it's hard when you want to spill everything but know it's for the best to keep some inside. It's a daily back-and-forth about what constitutes GOOD PACING. If I've learned anything in the past three months it's that I can't rush things.
Oh, and let me not forget the zamboni action that took place this weekend at the Orange apt. It rules.
meet the parents
What an overwhelming weekend. Friday night we had dinner with my parents. I have never before brought a boy home to meet mom and dad. The thought of it still makes me uncomfortable, even though the event is over. And it's not that I'm worried for the Boy, he can totally hold his own. Actually, I love watching him interact with my people and my friends because he gets along with everyone so EASILY. Especially with the Shabbat Club boys, Ronnie and Ben-- I LOVE BOYS.
It's just that I don't like my parents knowing things about me, knowing how I feel. Because they know everything else about me, I'm really protective of my personal life. But I can't really hide anything these days. I'm constantly smiling and when we're together, I can't not touch him. Miriam has reported on more than one occasion, "It's like you share the same energy source." The old me would say that it is really pathetic, but the new me doesn't care and PDAs the hell out of her weekends.
(Side note--Dude, even cross-country skiing during the Olympics is exciting. The announcers totally sell it and make me care who wins the race. I'm such a tool when it comes to the Games.)
Dinner turned out fine, obviously. My parents love all my friends, and they especially love those friends who are Jewish and whose parents are involved in either the Jewish community or education (Jerm gets double points here) and good god, of COURSE they are going to love the friends who are MALE. J won over Aaron with his appreciation for the blue wall paint and just the fact that he is his older sister's boyfriend. And he watches Lost. Aaron and I share the same discriminating taste in our friends: they absolutely MUST watch our favorite TV shows. Everything else is gravy. The Jerm got another point because someone brought up the word "truthiness," a Bushism made up and popularized by Stephen Colbert. And then I gave him an additional fifteen points because I found out that he "did a little relaxing" with his neighbor before dinner because he was nervous, and I think that's cute. I pretty much think everything he does is cute.
And then we went home and watched THE OLYMPICS OPENING CEREMONY!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A REWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's just that I don't like my parents knowing things about me, knowing how I feel. Because they know everything else about me, I'm really protective of my personal life. But I can't really hide anything these days. I'm constantly smiling and when we're together, I can't not touch him. Miriam has reported on more than one occasion, "It's like you share the same energy source." The old me would say that it is really pathetic, but the new me doesn't care and PDAs the hell out of her weekends.
(Side note--Dude, even cross-country skiing during the Olympics is exciting. The announcers totally sell it and make me care who wins the race. I'm such a tool when it comes to the Games.)
Dinner turned out fine, obviously. My parents love all my friends, and they especially love those friends who are Jewish and whose parents are involved in either the Jewish community or education (Jerm gets double points here) and good god, of COURSE they are going to love the friends who are MALE. J won over Aaron with his appreciation for the blue wall paint and just the fact that he is his older sister's boyfriend. And he watches Lost. Aaron and I share the same discriminating taste in our friends: they absolutely MUST watch our favorite TV shows. Everything else is gravy. The Jerm got another point because someone brought up the word "truthiness," a Bushism made up and popularized by Stephen Colbert. And then I gave him an additional fifteen points because I found out that he "did a little relaxing" with his neighbor before dinner because he was nervous, and I think that's cute. I pretty much think everything he does is cute.
And then we went home and watched THE OLYMPICS OPENING CEREMONY!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A REWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, February 10, 2006
hukt on foniks
Pretty much the only thing Open Court Reading has going for it are these fabulous Alphabet Sound Wall Cards. Each card represents a letter of the alphabet, and has a picture that truly represents each phoneme that letter can produce. For example, the A card has a lamb, to represent the short a sound. The B card has a ball, C has a camera, etc. During OCR Training, my partner-in-crime Chris and I decided to create a new set of ABC cards, one whose pictures are better examples of our crazy language and more representative of the day-to-day life our students lead. (If you have to ask what any of these mean, you are clearly not from the barrio, nor are you in touch with today's youth.)
A - tap that ass
B - butherface
C - cancer (See how these are better? Both the hard C and the soft C sound are represented.)
D - dirty sanchez
E - heavy petting (Two spelling patterns represented.)
F - fo shizzle, my nizzle
G - ganga (Both hard and soft Gs.)
H - hippie
I - pimp
J - jack daniels
K - cock
L - lovely lady lumps (Alliteration.)
M - melons
N - ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall
O - johnson
P - pearl necklace
Q - quickie
R - Rodriguez, Ricardo, Ramirez, Raul, Rosa
S - sausage (Here we borrow OCR's S card, because it rocks.)
T - titty twister
U - drugs
V - vag
W - whiskey
X - Xtasy
Y - Jagermeister (Sometimes a word begins with a sound made by another letter. Crazy English.)
Z - zebra
SH - shut up, woman!
TH - thong (As in flip-flops. Get your filthy mind out of the gutter.)
CH - chud
A - tap that ass
B - butherface
C - cancer (See how these are better? Both the hard C and the soft C sound are represented.)
D - dirty sanchez
E - heavy petting (Two spelling patterns represented.)
F - fo shizzle, my nizzle
G - ganga (Both hard and soft Gs.)
H - hippie
I - pimp
J - jack daniels
K - cock
L - lovely lady lumps (Alliteration.)
M - melons
N - ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall
O - johnson
P - pearl necklace
Q - quickie
R - Rodriguez, Ricardo, Ramirez, Raul, Rosa
S - sausage (Here we borrow OCR's S card, because it rocks.)
T - titty twister
U - drugs
V - vag
W - whiskey
X - Xtasy
Y - Jagermeister (Sometimes a word begins with a sound made by another letter. Crazy English.)
Z - zebra
SH - shut up, woman!
TH - thong (As in flip-flops. Get your filthy mind out of the gutter.)
CH - chud
Olympics fever
I wrote this in 2001, while abroad and waiting for my sorta-boyfriend to write me back that he either still loved me or had a new girlfriend: (It was the latter, the asshole.)
"It's a good thing that I have break right now, and that I have nothing to do with my time. And so, like I have done every two years before now (every four years before 1996), I have immersed myself in the world of international sports. I have logged about 10 hours of television time so far. It's fantastic. You can ask me about any sport, I've watched it.
"I am an avid Olympics fan. No matter the season (summer or winter), no matter the sport, I will be in front of the TV or the computer or the newspaper, whichever medium delivers the most pictures and scores. I become obsessed.
"My favorite, along with thousands of others, is figure skating. My favorite of that is ice dancing. Just a bit of trivial information for you. I also enjoy watching speed skating (the most good looking athletes compete in this sport--kip carpenter the most good looking of all. Oh look, and a bronze medal winner), downhill skiing, and the ski jump (the one where they do all the turns--and, by the way, the athletes in this sport become shorter over time as their spines are compressed when they land so hard on the snow). Yesterday I watched the biathalon, which when you think about it, sounds really boring. Skiing and shooting. But they have some really good commentators and so I found myself completely absorbed.The luge is a really fun sport to watch. It's almost impossible for the TV cameras to keep track of the luger (?) and so the whole time you are watching blips of a dark thing whizzing by, and then the camera changes, and you see another blip whiz by. Then the camera changes again, and so on. When they get a relatively straight portion of the track (? is it called a track?) it is fun to watch the luge person lying there like a heap of blubber. They just look really uncomfortable. Toes pointed out, hands tight at the sides, neck slightly strained to see over their belly....
"The one sport I have not watched yet is Curling. This is a rediculous excuse for a sport. One guy rolls a heavy thing across a piece of ice and his teammates SWEEP THE ICE IN FRONT OF THE HEAVY THING SO THAT IT WILL GO AS FAR AS POSSIBLE. Using BROOMS!!!!! Ss that sad, or what. How is that a sport? How did they get them to admit this as a sport in the Olympics when one of the chief tools of the game is a BROOM? I don't think one drop of sweat will be shed. I am wondering what the commentators do during Curling matches. I mean, what exactly do you SAY at something like this? "Well, George, that was an excellent sweep by Kevin Martin (a Canadian. real guy. I looked him up). A little heavy on the thistles, but he sure smoothed that ice down." "
"It's a good thing that I have break right now, and that I have nothing to do with my time. And so, like I have done every two years before now (every four years before 1996), I have immersed myself in the world of international sports. I have logged about 10 hours of television time so far. It's fantastic. You can ask me about any sport, I've watched it.
"I am an avid Olympics fan. No matter the season (summer or winter), no matter the sport, I will be in front of the TV or the computer or the newspaper, whichever medium delivers the most pictures and scores. I become obsessed.
"My favorite, along with thousands of others, is figure skating. My favorite of that is ice dancing. Just a bit of trivial information for you. I also enjoy watching speed skating (the most good looking athletes compete in this sport--kip carpenter the most good looking of all. Oh look, and a bronze medal winner), downhill skiing, and the ski jump (the one where they do all the turns--and, by the way, the athletes in this sport become shorter over time as their spines are compressed when they land so hard on the snow). Yesterday I watched the biathalon, which when you think about it, sounds really boring. Skiing and shooting. But they have some really good commentators and so I found myself completely absorbed.The luge is a really fun sport to watch. It's almost impossible for the TV cameras to keep track of the luger (?) and so the whole time you are watching blips of a dark thing whizzing by, and then the camera changes, and you see another blip whiz by. Then the camera changes again, and so on. When they get a relatively straight portion of the track (? is it called a track?) it is fun to watch the luge person lying there like a heap of blubber. They just look really uncomfortable. Toes pointed out, hands tight at the sides, neck slightly strained to see over their belly....
"The one sport I have not watched yet is Curling. This is a rediculous excuse for a sport. One guy rolls a heavy thing across a piece of ice and his teammates SWEEP THE ICE IN FRONT OF THE HEAVY THING SO THAT IT WILL GO AS FAR AS POSSIBLE. Using BROOMS!!!!! Ss that sad, or what. How is that a sport? How did they get them to admit this as a sport in the Olympics when one of the chief tools of the game is a BROOM? I don't think one drop of sweat will be shed. I am wondering what the commentators do during Curling matches. I mean, what exactly do you SAY at something like this? "Well, George, that was an excellent sweep by Kevin Martin (a Canadian. real guy. I looked him up). A little heavy on the thistles, but he sure smoothed that ice down." "
Friday, February 03, 2006
google images search word: "handball"
"Thanks for forwarding this to me at work. I thought it was going to be hilarious, so I got everybody crowded around my computer and opened up the link, not knowing what would show up. Boy was I embarrassed when a naked man showed up. The weird thing was, though, that when I said I was going to close it Byron said 'No. leave it up for a second.' I've never heard more quiet in my life."
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