mini bar party

"I guess I'll show you my dildos next time," Sierra said to me as I walked out the door.

the mouse hunt continues

OMG, Subway is the best food place ever. I don't think I could ever be like Jared, because I really like fries and pasta, and I try to switch it up a bit with Jamba Juice and Baja Fresh, but when you're hungry, nothing hits the spot like a veggie delight on wheat.

Just now as I was trying to go to my neighborhood Subway, I had to do the requisite three point turn on several different blocks. The Beverly Hills Subway has the worst parking ever: none. Which doesn't make sense for the type of people who eat there, who want food NOW. I always have to circle a few times before giving up and parking blocks away. So I was cutting through an alley when I see these kids sitting in the middle of the street in front of me, not moving. I'm like, dude, get out of the fucking way, and then I notice that one of the kids (young adults, totally my age) has his foot propped up on his other leg, and that foot is dripping with blood. He's totally not going to be moving out of the way. So I do a three point turn, and just as I'm on point one, a fire truck comes rolling down the alley, almost blocking my path. I have to get out of there, and fast. I finish the turn, but just as I'm about to reach the sidewalk, an ambulance pulls in. I'm now stuck in an alley in between a fire truck and an ambulance. I could not for the life of me figure out what to do, and instead of thinking about the guy with the bloody foot, all I could do was cuss out the paramedics for postponing my Subway. Like an idiot, I gesticulated wildly that I had nowhere to go but forwards, into the ambulance, so the paramedic guy had to hop out of his vehicle and direct me to a backwards three point turn so they could pass.

Now I'm at the dining room table about to finish report cards. I'm sitting in the "unpopular" chair that no one ever sits in, but it affords me the best view of the kitchen, so if the little mouse fucker wants to crawl out from under the fridge, I'll scream and let everyone know where he's at. By everyone, I mean my two wimpy roommates who will probably not move a muscle. I think they think I'm overreacting. I wouldn't sleep at home for four days until my bed was propped up three feet off the ground. Like a throne. A throne a mouse can't reach.

On a totally unrelated note, I have the most awesome hair. It's practically perfect. I just looked at it in the mirror and got a little jealous of myself. I could compare it to Jennifer Aniston's except for I know she gets hers done by professionals and I don't ever do mine, I don't even put product in it, maybe sometimes No More Tangles which totally doesn't count as product since it's made for four year olds, so that must mean that actually my hair is BETTER than Jennifer Aniston's.

surely the last in a horrifying series of events?

You know how on TV shows there's always that one character who is forever having things happening to him/her because they ran out of storylines, like Kelly Taylor on 90210 who was burnt - shot - raped - nose jobbed - druggie - pregnant? I feel that that has been my life this year. I guess twenty-five was the season where they ran out of nice plot twists and had to go for the melodramatic punches.


Episode 1: Three best friends move away. Spend the entire summer job hunting. Get hired the day before school starts.

Episode 2: Turns out new roommate is a bitchy psycho!

Episode 3: I lose my job.

Episode 4: Boyfriend breaks up with me. I turn twenty-five. (November sweeps)

Episode 5: I get the stomach flu. And a cold. And then another cold. And then laryngitis.

Episode 6: Car dies. Landlord knocks out closet wall to fix bathroom plumbing. Hole in wall remains.

Episode 7: Sinus infection, strep throat, and a cold. A visit to the emergency room. Go through three doses of antibiotics, four boxes of tissues, and an entire bottle of extra strength Tylenol in one month.

Episode 8: The trip to New York. The friend I go to visit stops talking to me as soon as I leave.

Episode 9: The One Night Stand (the first positive plot point in months) and the mouse problem.

Season finale: Parents announce they are getting divorced.

it's called Myanmar now, duh

I had this incredibly realistic dream last night that I took a trip with Elisheva to Burma. I only found out that it was Burma when we landed. And asked the airline crew to check us onto the cruise we had planned on going on. Oh sorry, they told us, that cruise is booked solid. I was secretly happy because I'm secretly afraid of boats because I'm secretly, insanely phobic of vomiting, like maybe I'll get seasick and have to throw up.

So I tried to convince Elle that it was OK, that we could go to the local Rite Aid (? in Burma?) and buy a Lonely Planet Guide and plan our whole trip. Oh, and also pick up some Dramamine, just in case. We entered a huge, open-air convenience store. It reminded me of Sports Challet, or the UCLA bookstore. Except for they didn't sell Dramamine there, so I made the executive decision that we had to stay on land no matter what. Let me tell you, it was gorgeous. You could see the tall, bell-shaped mountains covered in thick foliage from the convenience store.

When we checked out, the cashier turned out to be my ninth grade physical science teacher, Mr. Ahad, who in real life was from Burma and talked about it all the time.


Waking up was kind of a bummer.

eeek!

You know how I had that big hole in my closet after the shitbag landlord knocked out a part of the wall and refused to fix it? Well, yesterday a little mouse came out of it and ran around the kitchen and pooped all over the floor and scratched at the walls so hard that it woke me up at two thirty in the morning.

I took refuge at my parent's house.

Today, after a friendly phone call from me and a threatening phone call from my mother, the landlord dropped by to haphazardly sprinkle rat poison around our apartment. Instead of actually calling an exterminator or sealing the holes in my closet. So now we have to wash every dish in the kitchen, launder all of my clothes, and hope and pray that this useless man brings a professional around some time this week. Before the mouse visits again. And brings his friends.

I'm filing a complaint with the Housing Bureau tomorrow.

when I first fell in love

elle and brian's wedding weekend

The most awesome wedding weekend ever.

1. I am popular in OHIO. I introduced to, "Oh! I've heard so much about you!"
   
2. Karaoke bar after the wedding reception WITH the bride and groom.
   
3. Went home with the Best Man.