Saturday, June 14, 2008

Tonight at our faculty End-of-the-Year party, one of my colleague's husbands took off all of his clothes and ran around the yard naked.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

pandora radio

I'm very up front about the fact that Zero 7 is my favorite band. Though I have a million favorite songs at any one moment, I have always had only one favorite band. I think the first fave was Smashing Pumpkins post Siamese Dream. Then it was Tori Amos for a short while. I think in college I was in love with Tim McGraw (freshman year), Aviv Geffen (junior year), and Michael Jackson (senior year). Sophmore year? I have no idea. Maybe Jackson 5? I just took a tour through my CD collection before I remembered that all of my college music was mp3s obtained through Napster and burned onto some CD in some CD book without a list. Let's pretend it was the Beatles because I took a kick-ass class about them.

Anyhoo, the point was to tell you that I like TONS of different music, in my classroom, in my car, in my choir, on my stolen ipod. Like for example, my new choir CD is in my car (choral), Wee Sing American Music and Josh Vietti is in my classroom (patriotic and classical, respectively), my ipod is set to Tenacious D, and I think Talib Kweli is in the living room stereo.

Two years ago, when I was still living in that fabulous apartment with Miriam and Abbey, I would play my favorite CDs in the living room while cooking or working on papers. By which I mean When It Falls was on a full time loop for several months.

But I just realized that I haven't played Zero 7 since I moved into this new apartment. Or the beginning of the school year. Same time. Since then I've been grooving on lots of other new music which I've written about here and here and here. I just discovered this AWESOME site called Pandora Radio where you type an artist or song you like, and they will stream that artist and music like it. Obs I put in Zero 7 and omigod my mood just improved like ten hundred degrees.

I hate LAUSD

You know your district is too big (and dysfunctional) when you can't get on their server for THREE FUCKING DAYS because it's overloaded from every other teacher trying to input report cards.

Seriously, I've recorded just one student's grades and the rest I've given up on. It took me only sixty seconds to type in her grades, but TEN MINUTES to load the page. And that was after getting error messages for the better part of an hour.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

it's the most wonderful time . . .

. . . of the year! Report Cards! Here is a collection of brutally honest report card comments that unfortunately, we are not allowed to submit: (number twenty two is my favorite.)

  1. Perfect attendance (darn it!)
  2. The lights are on. but nobody's home.
  3. 51 cards short of a full deck.
  4. Despite absolutely no effort, your child is promoted to the next grade due to school board policy.
  5. I was so happy to meet with you on conference day. I think I have found the root of junior's problems.
  6. Doesn't deserve her "F" in behavior, but that is as low as I am allowed to go.
  7. Extremely creative when it comes to spelling.
  8. Your child brings joy to the class when absent.
  9. Work ethic challenged.
  10. Responds to most teacher statements with an irritating smirk.
  11. Fails to get involved in any way with her own educational goals.
  12. Can be extremely helpful and dependable (but chooses not to)
  13. Your child is trying; extremely trying.
  14. Learns new vocabulary quickly; (has a firm grasp of every known obscenity.)
  15. I wish you would stop doing your child's homework as this grade reflects your effort, not his (and you're not doing all that well).
  16. Can't shut up!
  17. Extremely neat; leaves no marks on papers except, perhaps, a name.
  18. Has learned to listen more carefully to directions; following them is another matter.
  19. Inconsistent effort; varies between little and none.
  20. At least I only have to put up with him for 45 minutes a day- he comes home to you at night HA HA!
  21. Kant spel tu gud.
  22. Would be better reader if he could move his finger faster.
  23. Student is unfamiliar with the concept of honesty.
  24. Ritalin dosage needs to be increased.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Courtney Cox's Asshole

Jill Soloway wrote this awesome short story called, "Courtney Cox's Asshole." Yeah, it's that good. I was halfway through reading it before I realized that I knew her. Soloway, not Courtney Cox. She was a parent at a school I used to work at. The Asshole Story is fantastic.

I can’t cum anymore. I can’t even spell it. Is it cum or come? I know it’s cum for guys, because stuff comes out, but nothing comes out of me. I also can’t stand my pink nail polish. It’s called Baby. I got it at the Vietnamese place, Crazy Lady Nails, but it’s fuckin’ frosty and I hate fuckin’ frosty. I also hate when I get the ugly old lady manicurist. It’s bad enough to pay someone to work their hands through the vile parts of your feet. At least, if she’s young, you can pretend she’s your Asian bi-curious girlfriend.