hypotrichosis

This is the lamest, most pathetic first world "problem" out there.

LATISSE^® solution is a prescription treatment for hypotrichosis used to grow eyelashes, making them longer, thicker and darker. Eyelash hypotrichosis is another name for having inadequate or not enough eyelashes.

Watch the video here! Then be embarrassed that they've made a treatment for this!

things I wished when I was in middle school

1. That my best friend Elisheva would move back from Cleveland, Ohio, and be my best friend again. Oh yes I wore my BeFri necklace those years.
2. That my roughly same-aged neighbor across the street would fall in love with me and come over and hang out, even though I not once introduced myself or made conversation. I imagined it would happen a'la the teenage protagonists in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids wherein one neighbor spies the other doing something cute (dancing with a broom) and then the next thing you know, they are kissing under a giant blade of grass.
3. That a tube of deodorant would appear in my bathroom without my having to ask mom about it.
4. That my parents would just freakin' buy a bar of chocolate for us, seriously, just once. Oranges are not dessert.
   
5. That one of my brothers would be a sister.
   

*Inspired by Coates.

why kay

On this Holiest of Holies, the rabbi asked us to introduce ourselves to a stranger and share a moment when we felt closest to the Jewish community, and I turned to the lady next to me and started describing the Shabbat club I formed with my friends several years ago, and how sad I was that it fell apart because everyone graduated and moved out of LA, and the lady asks me how old I am, and I answer twenty seven, and she asks if I have a boyfriend, and I say no, and then she urges me to sign up for Jdate and meet a man because I am getting old and running out of time.

That's when I pretended to be really interested in the al cheyts.

this is how I feel right now

I MAY have just watched all of Michael Jackson's interviews with Oprah, circa 1993.

a snake will always be a snake

Yesterday us Founding Teachers had a bitch session with our director. The shit has hit the fan at our school, and he basically told us that we need to get off our high horses and start being proactive. I totally agreed with him (silently) because compared to some of our big issues, like the fact that our personal relationships with students are deteriorating, some of my colleagues' complaints were downright petty. ("Why do we have to do icebreakers?") He said we had to speak up or shut up, basically. Together, we came up with solutions to our two biggest concerns.

This morning, I walked into a room in which the other three were discussing the meeting, and a certain bitchy someone asked me how I thought it went. "I thought it went well," I said, "We got to complain and then we worked out two huge issues." My satisfaction was not what she was hoping for. She started whining about a number of issues that were bothering her, all of which were apparently the fault of our new principal. I stayed silent, hoping that someone would change the topic. These very same issues were aired at our meeting YESTERDAY. This girl loves to complain, and she is a Repeater. I can't stand it.

Then one of them asked us if we were going to talk to the principal about "it." I didn't say anything, and then the question was directed at me. I said that I was going to talk to her about MY issues, and that YOU can talk about YOUR issues. This did not go over well.

Bitchy looked at me funny and in an accusing tone reported that she HAD tried to talk to the principal, but blah blah blah laundry list of complaints. Whine, whine, whine. I told her that I didn't like it when we all got together and ragged on the principal, that it made me feel uncomfortable when people are talked about behind their back. Coworker GOT MAD AT ME.

At first she was completely defensive, like of COURSE she has a right to vent to her coworkers, to which I replied that it really made me uncomfortable to talk about people who aren't present. Then, she tried to explain to me why it was OK for her to complain about the principal (who was not there) on behalf of other teachers, to which I replied that it really made me uncomfortable to talk about people who aren't present. I left the room. A few minutes later, she came over and made her case again, like why can't I just let her complain in peace? She has a right to vent, don't I know that? What am I doing, telling her how I feel!?!?!? She doesn't agree!!! She was so mad at me, she had the same tone as last year when she scolded me for "not being flexible" (doing what she wanted). I replied that it really made me uncomfortable to talk about people who aren't present.

She stared at me for a few seconds, and I stared back with my, "Yes?" face, and then she left the room.

goals

I am having some difficulty with my co-teacher this year. She is fresh out of Teach for America, an organization I have several issues with. Girlfriend has a lot of energy, a lot of enthusiasm, but again, has only taught "the TFA way." We are having some trouble collaborating and I thought I'd think out loud here. These are my non-negotiables.

Student skills:

• Complete a list of assignments on their own. (Managing their time.) (Hence the WTS)
• Talk thoughtfully about books they are reading. (Lit circles)
  
• Enjoy reading.
  
• Work in a group to produce a physical product.
• Work in partners or in a group to get work accomplished. (Know who to ask for help and who to avoid.)
  
• Be part of a discussion about events in literature or history. Be critical. Defend arguments.
• Be familiar with History Alive! curriculum, including previews, note taking, and processing exercises. (Use in 7th, 8th grade)
  

Teacher wants:

• Minimal and shared xeroxing (I xerox for you, you xerox for me, we both try to save paper.)
• Minimal and shared grading (I grade for you, you grade for me, we throw stuff away when it doesn't inform our teaching.)
  
• Use teacher materials whenever applicable (It is not always worth it to create a prettier/organized/comprehensive worksheet. Are students getting the practice they need?)
• Neither of us stressing out about workload.
• Our classes are run similarly enough that one teacher could sub in for the other without having the period wasted.

I can give up:

• I don't care what is on the WTS as long as it addresses the topics we decided for ltp and as long as I don't have to make worksheets.
• End of chapter history tests. (I still want to give some sort of quiz.)
• I don't care what their Lit circle projects are, as long as they address the skills above.
• Cumulative tasks for each history unit. Open to new ideas here. We just can't do them all, though. Must also consider if they are necessary. (Already listed in ltp.)
  

number of shit projects and presentations I had to grade today: seven

It cracks me up how eager and excited I was to see the awful first crop of lit circle projects. Most of them totally sucked. I'm so amused by their badness. It's like how last year, Stephen predicted that the average on the first history test would be sixty, and I was aghast at that low number, but he was spot on. We spent so much time instructing and pulling and conferencing and suggesting for their first projects last year, but they were mostly sucky, too. It took a few rounds for the majority to step it up and realize what it takes to be a successful sixth grader.

That's why I was amused this year by the prospect of so many sub-par creations. I was eager to see how the kiddies would fuck up. Despite my repeated suggestions, despite my elucidation of project requirements, despite my going to each group and telling them exactly what they needed to change in order to receive full credit, there were the duds. We got a confusing cowboy infomercial (not quite relevant to the book at hand), several Wanted! posters (devoid of details identifying the perpetrator), and a sad, empty diorama. I'm laughing as I type this.

One of the hardest lessons for a new teacher is you have to let them fail.

too much new year

After eating the equivalent of several apples on Friday night, Saturday lunch, and Saturday dinner, I can warn you against doing the same because you, too, might end up on your couch for several hours moaning and groaning and using your laptop as a heating pad for your stomach. Apparently it fucks up your digestive system, who knew.

self portrait at twenty eight

As a way of getting in touch with my origins
every night I set the alarm clock
for the time I was born so that waking up
becomes a historical reenactment and the first thing I do
is take a reading of the day and try to flow with it like
when you're riding a mechanical bull and you strain to learn
the pattern quickly so you don't inadvertently resist it.

by David Berman

gun control

It is legal to carry a gun. And it is also legal to not bathe. But most people, out of respect for the comfort of others in whose society they choose to live, do in fact get in the shower with a bar of soap every day. They don’t HAVE to. But they’re also adults who have gotten over those dark, teenage “you can’t tell me what to do” feelings and have decided that in order to be accepted, and function well with others, there are certain things you just don’t do. Like abstain from bathing. Or carry a gun and an ammo belt into the library where people are trying to relax and read a book, and where children are supposed to feel safe. Or a host of other things.

--Mudflats

favorite things of other people's that now I love

Tova - cheese. There is this cheese that they sell at Trader Joes which has become my favorite entree. Being that I have high cholesterol, that is not a good thing. English cheddar with carmelized onions. It's so good it could be dessert.

Haley - stripes. She's obsessed, now I'm obsessed.

Karen - baked cauliflower. You make this by chopping up cauliflower drizzling olive oil and curry powder on top, and cooking in the oven for thirty minutes. It is so tasty, and healthy too. I didn't eat cauliflower for fifteen years because way back in the fifth grade, I threw up after eating some for dinner (possibly unrelated), but Karen's recipe turned me around.

Danny, the friend of a friend I hooked up with - Billy Joel. At a New Years party sometime during college, Danny exclaimed about how Billy Joel was his favorite singer. I had heard OF him then, but never heard him. I promptly returned to university and illegally downloaded his greatest hits. The next year, I saw Billy Joel and Elton John at the Forum. It was one of the best concerts I've ever been to. Oh What a Night. *

All of my ex-students - Twilight. I used to scoff; Now I'm a believer.

* I've always thought "Oh What a Night" was by Billy Joel, and was my favorite song, until this second when I looked it up on youtube and found it was Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons.

co-teaching is more than sharing a room

I feel like last year I was co-parenting this adorable little child with my partner. We were pretty much on the same page about stuff, and we talked about how to raise our child A LOT, so even though he did things slightly different than I, we were on the same program so that I could step in for him and he could step in for me and the outcome would be the same. If I were sick or tired, or he were sick or tired, we covered for each other.

Then all of a sudden, I had ten more children and got divorced and now I'm dealing with the step-mom and shared custody. There is no helping each other out, there is no substituting during "my" or "her" time, there is really no crossover. Sure, we talk about parenting from time to time, but then she does her thing and I do mine. So I have more kids, but less time and less support.

I hate it.

crocodile dundee, live blog

So I've just gotten around to watching this adventure classic, and omigod is it awesomely bad. Watching it after my Australia adventure is brilliant. Some notes:

• The buffalo? Totally would have been scared silly of the car. On my Kakadu trip, we were driving along in our four wheel drive bus and saw a water buffalo cross the road ahead. As we got closer, it spied us, and mad a mad rush for the woods. We passed very, very slowly and it watched us from its cover. As we stopped to take pictures, it backed up until it was totally hidden from sight.
  
• The riverboat scene is spot on Mary River. Flocks of birds taking off in tandem, floating lily pads, picturesque mangroves sticking out of the water... The only inaccuracy is that crocodiles do NOT run that fast unless they are being provoked or haven't eaten in months.
• Dundee's facts about his "attacker" crocodile not wanting to eat him but simply doing a death roll to save him for later are correct.
  
• The scene in the morning where girlie decides to set off for the escarpment by herself? With the gun? The huge rock in the background? I climbed that and took several pictures from it. Also the escarpment that she is heading for is the boundry between Kakadu Park and Arnhem Land. I climbed that, too.
• Lots of pandana palms. True. l;sjljlhniu!!!!! Holy shit I called that crocodile attack. YOU NEVER GO NEAR THE EDGE OF THE WATER. DUH. He should have warned her instead of waiting for her to be attacked.
  
• Camping scene where Dundee checks out her butt -- I don't understand where the yellow sand came from. I was in the outback for seven days and didn't see anything that wasn't red.
• Aboriginals only wear decorative paint during ceremonies. I like that his dad works for tourism. Totes realistic. Ok the paint makes sense now that they are doing a dance.

It's now the New York portion of the movie and I don't have much commentary to add except Give Me a Break, he's grown up in the bush but are we supposed to believe he never went to school or read a newspaper? I hate when they make "country boys" completely ignorant, instead of just culturally ignorant. (Also the woman comes off looking like a bitch for taking things like a bidet for granted. Please.)

moniker

You know what I don't get? How is "progressive" a political label? Doesn't "progressive" mean "moving forward?" Don't all people want to progress? Don't all political groups want their country to progress? Granted, we might have different ways of moving our society forwards, and we might have different ideas about what moving forwards looks like, but isn't the goal for everyone to advance? Wouldn't it be weird if we had a party called the "regressives?" Every time I hear the far left labeled, it makes me think of the far right using abacuses and loading up mules to go to market.

drip...drip...drip...

Today I led a fantastic cave discovery lesson. We turned the lights off and the "cave sound effects" up. Kids had flashlights which they used to "find" pictures of artifacts taped onto the walls. For each artifact, they had to determine what it was and why the artists made/painted it. (The kids had some awesome hypothesis, my favorite being that the Lascaux hand prints were made as a memorial to a loved one.) Then they read their textbooks (by flashlight) to see what social scientists think about those artifacts.

It is so nice to finally be done with the training and dive into the curriculum. Learning is fun. Talking about learning is not fun.

a weekend so productive

This week I managed to see all three of my favorite people in Los Angeles who are perpetually unavailable. I slept over at Glenda's on Friday, the only way I was going to tail it out to Woodland Hills. We floated around on the pool (neither of us got farther than the floaties), watched some horribly bad TV (Melrose Place the new series), ate dinner and dessert, and looked at my Ozzie pictures. Then on Saturday, I hung out with Wade in the jacuzzi and took a nap on his bed while he spreadsheeted, then he and I and Zach went to Inglorious Basterds. Which was awesome. This morning Nicole came over and we ate some fruit and made pancakes and talked about her wedding in January.

In addition to all that, I bought seven flashlights at the ninety nine cent store and got my hair trimmed. When have I last had a weekend so productive.

and another thing

I just decided that I'm going to embark on my own personal NaPoBlo or whatever it is called, and write something every single day for the next while. I'd like to do it for a year but that just seems way too ambitious.

Edit: Each post will have to be different.

three more

Joan Armatrading - Love and Affection


West Indian Girl - Sofia


Feist - Honey Honey

three amazing songs I found on the teevee

Goldfrapp - You Never Know



I Monster - Heaven



Pink (Featuring Indigo Girls) - Dear Mr. President

first day of school guilt

Today was the first day of school, FREAK OUT, very stressful and not for the normal reasons. My new room is very tiny, and while I'm happy to be sharing a closet with a neater teacher (who let me organize the whole thing), there is no room for a desk! There is no room for a single extra body! There is no room for me to be in there during my preps, or for her to be there during her preps! It is so cramped that there is no way to sneak in unnoticed to grab your purse.

Also I've had this nagging feeling for a week that I did an awful thing by not picking a certain student to be in my advisory again. She is my favorite kid in the whole school, very mature and insightful and kind of reminds me of me. She is a true leader and though it would not be legal or socially just, (and thus I would never do it), I would totally trust her to lead the class in my absence. That's saying a lot for a twelve year old, but we just really clicked.

When we made new advisory groups last week, I was determined to have her in mine, but when we got to her name, I didn't say anything. I don't know why. Maybe in the moment I was feeling overly selfish and didn't want to seem too grabby in front of the other teachers. As soon as the day was over I was already regretting my omission, and I haven't stopped thinking about it. I saw her this morning and she asked me in a wounded tone why she wasn't with me again. GUILT.

I tried to rationalize that the move is better for her because I might treat her with undue favoritism, or give her too much control for her own good. Placing her with another teacher will let her grow independently. I also convinced myself for a quick second that my advisory group will be younger feeling without her, but I'm not really sure that that is even an advantage.

This afternoon I had a brief epiphany wherein I remembered that THIS IS JUST A JOB and she is not my child that I'm having to give up for adoption. Like any other student, she grows up and moves on, and in her place I have a whole new set of potential favorites.

But like I said, that moment was brief. I feel like I made this huge mistake that I'm going to regret for the rest of the year. I wouldn't feel this way at all if she had been randomly assigned to another teacher, but the fact that I had a choice and I PASSED really kills me.

dream?

Last night I dreamt that I was dating a tyrannosaurus rex. It was problematic because he kept losing his temper and then would want to eat me. I had to calm him down. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking omigod, that was weirdly hilarious, my boyfriend was A DINOSAUR.

Today I was talking about the dream with my old roommate Abbey, and we decided that a stegosaurus is more my type. It was the truest conversation I've had in months.